Silent Moments
by Foreverisjustthebeginning
Summary: Two teens with tragic pasts meet up in the small town of Forks. She was the freak because she never spoke yet never had a problem with dying her hair every color she could think of. He was the bad boy because he prefer the rougher crowd and fights. What happens when these two meet?
1. Chapter 1

**I know, I know. I have no business starting a story when I have like eight million others in progress but this thing has been playing in my mind for a couple weeks now and I wanted to write it out. I have the first four chapters finished and I'm working on more so, we shall see how this goes. I honestly have no idea where the inspiration for this story came from. It came out of left field honestly. It's sad, triggering, and a bit dramatic but I find its still pretty good. At least the first four chapters are, lol.**

**So, I hope you enjoy this story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of twilight nor do I own any other recognizable characters/songs/videos/celebrity names...etc. I'm just using all of them to make a story. **

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**Edward**

I made my escape from the cafeteria to have a cigarette.

So far, this day hasn't been too bad but I hate it when people try to pry into my personal life. And trust me, when you start fresh in a new place, at a new school, that's all they're interested in.

_How's your day been?_

_Why are you here?_

_Do you like your classes?_

_So, you're being fostered by the Cullen's?_

My always eager to please sister answered every question fired at us and that aggravated me too. They didn't need to know our life story, we probably wouldn't even be here longer than a couple months.

It's not hard for families to get tired of a fifteen and seventeen year old.

Well, no. All the families we've been placed with adore Alice. It's me they can't handle. They tried splitting us up but both Alice and I kicked up to much of a fuss to let it slide and so reluctantly we were put back together and shipped off to another foster home.

The lucky parents this time around were a couple in their thirties. They wanted children but haven't been able to have any of their own. So, they fill the void with fostering little punks like us.

Okay, they aren't so bad.

Esme was by far the nicest woman I've met. She greeted us with hugs and cooked our favorite meals for dinner. We got our own rooms in her huge home and were allowed to decorate them as we saw fit.

I got a car! Can you believe that shit? It wasn't a cheap one either. My Volvo was purchased brand new.

Carlisle was pretty cool himself. Well, besides the fact that he was a doctor that liked to pry into my business but I can't really blame him for that. If I ever came across someone like me, I'd be interested too.

But like I said, he's cool. When he knows he's pushing his luck, he backs off and changes the subject.

I've only been with the Cullen's two weeks and I was already feeling at home. That's more than I can say for my past foster homes.

I was still on edge, always keeping my eyes peeled, but I didn't freak out if Alice wasn't in my sight as I use too. We've been to some fucked up foster homes and I've been close to popping fuckers tons of times.

That's the one thing you don't screw with. My baby sister is off limits to everyone. If you so much as lay a hand on her, you'll lose it.

I know I'm going to the extreme but...she's all I have left.

I couldn't lose her.

Sighing, I parked myself on one of the abandon benches and lit up a cigarette. I wanted something better but it was my first day and I decided to behave.

But only because Esme asked me nicely.

Jeez, she already has me wrapped around her finger.

As I blew out a ring of smoke, I scanned my surroundings. I felt like I was at camp. Forks, yeah I know what kind of name is that, was a little place surrounded by forest.

There was no escaping it here. I missed the tall buildings, the cement sidewalks, and the people; and that's fucking saying something. It's too small in this shithole.

I don't even know where I'd look to score some weed.

Thankfully, Seattle was just a three-hour trip away. I'd be taking advantage of having a car soon.

I wonder when Carlisle and Esme will let me get away with that.

As I pondered this, I noticed someone approaching out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head to see who it was, I was expecting Alice but it wasn't her.

A girl with long light blue hair perched herself on the picnic table just one away from mine. She had her hood up and her ear buds in so I didn't try to make conversation.

I think she did that intentionally.

I was cool with it. I wasn't in the mood to talk either. As she dug through her pocket, her sleeve pushed up allowing me to see a bit of ink. 'And back' was all I saw but I was interested in seeing what else it said.

In this place, I was the only one with tattoos, and I mean the _only _one. For that alone everyone looked at me as if I was some kind of art display which oddly enough I guess I could be.

I went a little hog wild a few months back and while drunk I got my arms tattooed up. My current foster parent wasn't having it and threw Alice and I out just for that.

She made up some bullshit excuse about how I was being an unruly dick and our caseworker believed her.

I already had about six strikes against me so it wasn't exactly something she questioned. Maggie just sighed and went to search for a new foster family for us.

But I digress.

It was nice to see someone else with a little ink.

"Want a drag?" she asked in a soft voice.

In her hand, she had a blunt.

I took it and took a big drag of it.

"Thanks."

She nodded and pushed her hood down. I noticed that in her left ear, she had musical notes tattooed in it.

"I'm E," I introduced myself. "I also go by Masen."

"I'm Bella," she said, reaching out to shake my hand. "What are you doing in this God awful town, Masen?"

"I'm sure you've heard."

"I don't listen to gossip," she said, taking the blunt. "Especially the gossip that goes around this place," I remained quiet. "I get it, if you don't want to talk. You've probably had people prying all day."

"Just about," I confirmed.

"The people here treat anyone new like a shiny new toy that they all want." she snorted. "It'll pass...unless you're into attention. They might make an exception in your case."

"My case?" I asked, offended.

"Relax, dude," she said. "I'm talking about your tattoos."

"Oh."

She moved so that she was sitting directly beside me and lightly touched my arm.

"These are incredible, where did you get them done?"

"A place in Seattle."

"I recognize this work," she said. "Did you stop in Jake's?"

"Yeah, you know the place?"

"It's the only place in Washington that will tatt people underage without parental permission, so yes, I do." she confirmed. "I have a couple pieces myself."

She showed me her ear and her left wrist. The quote I couldn't see earlier was finally revealed 'I love you to the moon and back'. It looked like it was written by a little kid which is surprising since we got ours done at the same place.

I wonder who did hers.

They clearly needed to improve on their penmanship.

"I have others." she said. "A lot more actually. I have a couple on my side, someone my shoulders, my thighs, my back, and on the back of my neck."

"That's a lot of work," I agreed. "How old are you?"

"How old do I look?" she retorted.

She was tiny in my opinion and couldn't be no older than sixteen, maybe fifteen.

"Sixteen."

"Close, I'm seventeen," she said and then sighed. "Hard to believe I've made it to this age."

"Huh?"

She shook her head, "Nothing. Look, it was nice to share a blunt with you but I gotta go. I'll be late for class."

As if on cue, the bell rang.

"I'll see you..." she was already briskly walking away.

Alright then.

I made sure the cigarette was out before I tossed it down and headed to my next class.

"Oh, there you are," Jessica said, enthusiastically. "We were worried about you."

I rolled my eyes.

What could happen in this place?

"You didn't eat anything...I saved you some chips," she said, thrusting them in my direction.

"I had a big breakfast," I said. "Thanks though."

"No probl...Ugh, watch it Swan." I watched as Jessica just plowed through Bella. She was set off balance and sprawled to the ground, her books scattering in every direction. "Learn to look, will you?"

I glowered at Jessica as I helped pick up Bella's scattered things.

She quickly took them from me without a word and rushed off.

"She's such a freak," Another girl, Lauren I think, commented. "I mean, she changes hair colors like every week and she never talks to anyone."

"She doesn't?" I asked, surprised.

"No, she hasn't uttered a word to anyone here in like...when did all that shit go down?" Lauren asked Mike.

"Three years."

"Right, she hasn't talked in like three years. All she does is play mute and dye her hair every color known to man."

"Such a freak," Jessica ended.

I was confused.

Why had she spoken to me then?

I didn't bring it up, I just continued to my advanced biology class.

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**Bella never speaks, yet she spoke to Edward. I wonder why? You'll get the answer, kind of, in the next chapter. Next chap is Bella's point of view. We shall see what the blue beauty is thinking.**

**Review**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm glad you guys are liking it so far :D Here's chapter two, it's Bella's point of view. You get a bit about her, and hints on what happened to her but you probably won't know for a while. I'm thinking maybe three or four more chapters. I haven't decided yet.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or it's characters  
**

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**Bella**

"Mom?" I popped my head in my parent's room and found her passed out on the floor. She was laying in a pool of her own vomit, not exactly anything new. "Come on, mom."

I struggled to get her standing up.

"Bella?"

"Yeah, it's me," I grunted as I walked her into the bathroom. "You need a shower."

"But I'm tired."

"Dad won't be happy if you pass out on the bed with vomit covered clothes."

She grumbled something unintelligible and started to disrobe. I turned the shower on for her and helped her in.

"Hold on to this," I said, pointing to the little bar. "Don't fall, okay? I need to clean up the floor."

"M'kay."

I ran to get the mop and floor cleaner. I cleaned up the mess on her bedroom floor before helping her out of the shower and into bed.

I glanced at the clock and noticed that I was late for school.

"Bella?"

"I have to get to school, mom."

"It's just...do you...think I could've..." she burped.

"Could've what?"

"Do you think I could've saved her?"

I froze.

I could feel the hole in my heart rip apart and knew that if I didn't get out soon, my mom would witness a breakdown.

"I...I have school."

I turned and took off.

When I was safely in the front seat of my car, I wrapped my arms tightly around my chest and took several deep breaths.

I didn't think of _her. _

I focused on my breaths like Dr. Cullen had taught me. That shit didn't always work but I managed to get myself under control today. I was thankful for that.

I already missed enough school.

My parents would flip if I missed anymore days. It was almost funny to me. The only time they would act like parents was when they needed to yell at me.

I was a punching bag for them. I have been since...yeah.

They were always yelling at me, by the way. Every time a new tattoo showed up or I dyed my hair a different color, which was nearly every week, the cycle started over.

I just tuned it out.

It's how I work.

I ignore things and remain silent.

I only talk to my family occasionally, because if I don't they'll send me back and I don't want that. I hated that place.

Pumped full of meds, barely able to feel like a human

I shuttered and lit a cigarette.

I hated it so much there.

I played the part of being a normal functioning human but on the inside...it wasn't good. I wanted to shut down so bad, to just give up. Death was peaceful, easy...life was so much harder.

I know because I've been there, on the edge of death I mean. It's oddly peaceful until you resurface and realize you're still breathing. That made me feel more pain than any wound ever could inflict.

_Way to get Emo, Bella._

I barked out a laugh.

I was doing so well too. I think it had been three whole days since I last thought of death. Dr. Cullen would be proud of me when I told her.

Not that I cared.

It's just that she's the one my parents look to when they debate sending me back. Dr. Cullen has my back, as long as I show progress.

Pulling into the school parking lot, I noticed a new car. A silver Volvo was wedged in between Tyler's van and Jessica's Sunrise.

The new kids finally arrived.

The Masen's, I believe.

Carlisle and Esme Cullen recently welcomed to new foster kids into their home. I knew their game. Something was up with these kids. They liked taking in broken strays.

They're good people though. They have their hearts in the right place, at least.

After parking far away from Jessica and her little cliques cars, I made my way to library for my second hour class. It was a study hall so essentially I just had to sit and doodle.

I could do that.

"I'm so glad you could join us, Miss. Swan."

I didn't acknowledge Mr. Kemp. I took my seat in the back of the library and pulled out my sketchbook. I resumed my sketch of my newest tattoo. I wanted something big again, no more little phrases right now.

I had three ideas, the one I was working on was an anchor with Roses blooming around it. I liked it, a lot, but I still wasn't sure if this was the one I was getting.

"Did you finish all of last night's homework, Miss. Swan?" Mr. Kemp asked.

I ignored him.

Eventually, he sighed and left.

They're use to this by now. Bella Swan the mute. She won't answer no matter what you threaten so you might as well not get worked up over it.

When I first started this, I was getting detention left and right. Apparently, not talking is the most disrespectful thing a student could do. I took the detentions and groundings at home in stride. It didn't bother me in the least.

My teachers gave up, and eventually so did the students. My parents didn't give up on me, at least Phil didn't. He sent me to Dr. Volturi for treatment which resulted in my first stint in a mental hospital.

I hated it there.

My morning went by as well as can be expected. I went to my classes, quietly sitting in the back but still listening to what was being taught. I had to maintain my grades so that I could get out of this place.

Being silent is definitely an advantage when it comes to that. No one tries to distract me with mindless chatter so I was able to focus on note taking. Unlike Lauren and her current boyfriend who were giggling to each other and passing notes.

I lied a bit. I did let my gaze linger on the couple for a little longer than I should have. Even if I hate Lauren, I still envied that fact that she had someone to love her...even if it was only for a while.

What I wouldn't do for that

The last time I heard someone tell me they loved me was three years ago. I remember the exact day, hour, and minute that it happened. I could even tell you what I was wearing and what the other person was wearing.

I shrugged it off and got out of my self started pity party.

Fuck love.

I learned the hard way that if you let anyone in, they can hurt you. I didn't want to be hurt anymore...I don't think I could stand another heartbreak.

When lunchtime rolled around, I found myself in the library checking out the books that I needed for Mr. Jefferson's history paper. After I got the correct books, I stopped in the cafeteria for a bottle of water and a sandwich.

I wasn't hungry right now but I'd get around to eating it later.

Instead, I went outside to the picnic area, hoping to get a few minutes to myself so that I could smoke a bit.

I found the new kid sitting in my normal seat.

Normally, I would just turn around and go to my car but something compelled me to continue on my path.

I did something I've never done before that afternoon. I spoke to him, E or Masen as he likes to go by. It was the first time I've spoke to anyone in such a long time.

I was shocked with myself

I had no idea what was making me speak so freely but I felt oddly..safe with him. Silly since I had only just met him. I found myself wanting to know him, wanting to know what was the cause for the pain that looked permanently etched in his jade eyes.

I wanted to know it all.

What was going on?

When lunch ended, I took off like a bat out of hell. I was shocked by my actions but found myself longing to be next to him again.

He made the pain go away.

The ache in my chest didn't exist when I sat beside him. That was something that has never happened before either. I always feel like I'm about to fall apart but for a moment, I felt whole.

What was it about Masen that was making me this way?

I pondered this on my way to class but came up short. Maybe it was the weed that was causing this feeling. It wouldn't be the first time I've gotten a little too loose with it.

_That's silly you barely had four puffs of it_

It's the strong stuff, I argued with myself

_Then Jake better start charging more because that's some powerful shit._

It was easier to play it off as that.

I found my seat in my advanced biology class and took my seat. Mr. Molina gave me a small smile and a wave.

I stared back at him.

I didn't feel compelled to talk to him, or even smile for that matter.

But I had felt that way just a few moments ago with Masen.

Eventually, I looked down at my sketchbook. Mr Molina gave an audiable sigh but went about his business.

That's when I felt him.

I didn't have to look up to know that Masen was in this class. The feeling was back, not as strong as it had been at lunch but it was there. It's almost like I could feel someone tightly bandaging up my shattered heart.

And I knew that when he walked away, the bandages would break and my heart would once again be broken.

"Hey," he greeted, taking the seat next to me.

I ignored him.

It's what I do best.

"Save your breath, E," Jessica snickered. "She doesn't talk. She's a mute. Probably lost her voice after she was..."

"Miss. Stanley, do I have to write you up for harassment, yet again?"

"No, sir," Jessica quickly took her seat.

The death glare that was etched on my face didn't go away as I stared at her back.

How dare she bring that up?

"Are you okay?"

I didn't realize I was holding myself together by hugging myself. I do that a lot. It's silly but sometimes I feel like it can help hold me together.

"Bella?"

Edward urged.

My arms slipped down and I grasped at my knees.

When he touched my arm, I flinched away but looked at him. I begged him with my eyes to let it go, to leave me alone.

And he did.

But I was surprised by how quickly those bandages around my heart broke off.

_Maybe that joint did make you weird._

Yeah, let's go with that.

"Alright, class. Today's lesson..."

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**Seriously, Bella. Those drugs must be something amazing if it changes you like this and that fast, lol. **

**Review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or it's characters**

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Edward

We had biology together but she didn't talk to me.

I understood, I think. Okay, not really. One minute she has no problem talking to me, the next she decides that she doesn't want anything to do with me.

Mood swings, much?

I let her be after two failed attempts.

It was her way of protecting herself, that much I got. And I didn't want to be the asshole who sent her to therapy because I was prying too much.

I snorted.

Wow, for once I didn't want to be that bad guy.

Talk about a change in tune. Maggie would be proud.

I rolled my eyes and scanned the parking lot for my sister.

My day hadn't been bad, just boring for the most part. Confusing after lunch because I couldn't get the blue haired beauty out of my head. I know how I usually handle those situations but it didn't feel right.

Not with her.

I couldn't just use her and dump her like the rest of them.

Something about her...she had her own scars and I know something like that could derail her for a while.

There I go again, being the good guy.

Fuck.

I didn't like it.

"So, Edward..." Lauren giggled nervously.

I focused on the brunette in front of me, "It's E."

She giggled, "Right, E. Look, I'm throwing a party this weekend and I was hoping you'd like to attend."

I briefly wondered how a party in this little town could be fun.

"Will you there be alcohol?"

"Duh," Lauren said with a sharp roll of her eyes. "What's a party without booz?"

Good point.

"Sure, what the hell. I don't have anything better to do."

"Awesome!" she grinned. "So, I'll see you then."

I gave her a sharp nod.

"What did Harpy one want?" Alice asked as she glared at Lauren's retreating form.

"Nothing." I said, holding her door open. "Get in."

Alice sighed and climbed in the car.

The drive back home was fast and quiet. Seriously, it was faster than I liked. It took five minutes from the time I left the parking lot until the time I pulled up to the house.

Drives usually clear my head but what good is a five-minute drive? It doesn't help at all.

Alice hopped out of the car and ran up the steps while I took my sweet time.

Esme was home and waiting in the foyer with a tray of muffins and a bright smile. I have to give it to her, she never goes a day without smiling. I wonder what it's like. She's always so happy and shit, it must get boring after a while, right?

Yes, I'm being sarcastic.

"How was school?" she asked

"It was great," Alice said. "I made a lot of new friends."

"That's great, Alice," she beamed. "How about you?"

"I stayed out of trouble," I shrugged, snagging a muffin from the tray.

"Did you meet anyone?"

"A few people," I confirmed. "I got invited to a party this weekend."

"Oh."

"Can I go?"

It felt weird asking for permission. I usually never did.

"Sure, you need to get out," she said. "Just don't get too wild. I don't want to be bailing you out of jail this soon."

"No promises," I snickered, taking another muffin and heading up to my room.

Ah, my room.

It was perfect.

It was easily bigger than ever room I ever had put together. For once, I didn't feel like the walls were closing in on me. I felt comfortable and secure.

I didn't have to worry about someone stealing my shit or worry about loads of bugs. It was nice here. I had to play my cards right, for Alice at least. She deserved a place like this.

I flipped on my flat screen before kicking off my shoes and settling back in my bed. I've had the best sleep of my life in this bed. It felt like clouds or some other soft shit.

Years of back problems went out the window the first night I slept on it.

I didn't even have this soft of a bed when I was living with my parents.

I didn't have a lot of things when living with them actually.

My family had never been well off. My dad worked two jobs trying to make ends meet while my mom stayed home with Alice and I. We got by, which is something I should be thankful for but I was a kid. I wanted everything and thought my parents hated me when they didn't get it for me.

It's only now that I realized that I was lucky to be able to eat each.

Things got bad after my father passed away, my mom had no real experience with the outside world and she was at a complete loss. She managed to get a job as a maid at one of the local motels but it wasn't enough.

Not when she was drinking the money away.

She spiraled into a deep depression not to long after my father died and she never sought out help. In the end, I knew that if she would've looked for it, she wouldn't have decided to end her life.

I squeezed my eyes closed as my memory of her doing it assaulted me.

I was there when it happened, as was Alice. It was three days before Christmas, we got our power and water shut off and she just...gave up. She downed a bottle of vodka and went up to her room without another word.

I knew something was wrong...I followed and since Alice had been stuck up my ass since our father passed, she came as well.

I opened the door just as she put the gun in her mouth.

She didn't give me the chance to say anything, or talk her out of it. She just pulled the trigger right in front of us.

The neighbors heard the shots and called the police.

And thus began our journey through the system.

We were passed around from foster home to foster home, each one worst then the last. The only thing keeping me going was the fact that I had Alice to look out for.

But she didn't stop me from looking for trouble.

I liked fighting, a lot. I'd fight with just about anyone, even people that I knew I would never win the fight against. Pain became my friend. I did a lot of drugs during that time; anything I could get my hands on I would take.

I never knew that Alice was doing the same. It was when I found her in our room, lifelessly laying there that I promised I would shape up if she made it.

I don't do the hard shit anymore, occasionally I'd smoke a couple blunts but it didn't do much harm.

I even went to therapy, which was where I first met Esme. She's been working with Alice since our mother's death and just recently took me on as well.

I don't know why she'd want a messed up teen like me living with her but I'm glad I'm here.

Which again is very odd. Usually by hour one I'm trying to find some trouble so that I'm kicked out.

But not here.

I blame the side of me that likes being spoiled. I mean, look at all the things I got here. The newest I phone, a flat screen in my room, various game consoles, and a car.

Life couldn't get any better if you ask me.

Dinner was a dull affair for me. Alice chatted on and on about all the friends she made. I stuffed my face with the heaven that was Esme's cooking. Seriously, she can cook. She goes full out too. It's like she cooks for an army.

I'm not complaining though.

"...And then I passed by this girl, she was so quiet but people make fun of her for it. It's rude," I caught Alice grumbling. "She's so pretty though. I'm jealous. I wish I could dye my hair blue and pull it off."

That caught my attention.

"So you've met Bella Swan," Esme said.

"You know her?" Alice asked.

"She's a patient of mine," Esme explained but didn't go into detail.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked.

"I can't say," Esme said.

Right patient doctor privilege.

"Do they really treat her horribly at school?" Esme wondered.

"The worst," Alice confirmed. "Just because she doesn't talk...it means she's a freak. I watched these two girls push her down after lunch...Edward helped her though."

They looked at me in surprise.

"What?" I asked with a mouthful of food. "It was fucking rude. She knocked into me and shit."

"You helped her pick up her things." Alice said, eying me.

"It was in my way," I lamely defended.

"Uh huh," Alice snickered. "Sure."

"I think it's nice that she has a friend," Esme said. "God knows she deserves one."

"I'll be her friend," Alice volunteered. "I'm not sure how well it'll work with the whole no talking thing but I'll see what I can do."

"Or you could just leave her alone," I said. "She's silent for a reason. Maybe she likes to be left alone, not everyone wants friends."

"Not everyone is you," Alice snapped.

"I'm sure she wants friends," Esme said, softly. "But they're hard to find, the genuine ones at least."

Aint that the fucking truth.

The next morning I was up and ready to go fifteen minutes late. Alice looked like she was ready to beat my ass when I finally emerged. I missed breakfast, which was a damn shame, so I grabbed three blueberry muffins and let the little troll drag me to my car.

Alice, once we arrived at Forks high, scampered off with her little group of friends.

I was almost jealous of my little sister in that way. She could make friends in seconds. Just plop her in a room full of people and half of them will gravitate toward her.

I was I was like that.

The only people that gravitate toward me are girls that want to ride my dick or guys who want to see if they can take me down.

Eh, could be worse.

Since the bell still hadn't rung, I waited near my car and avoided the stares that many of the girls were giving me. I know I'm good looking, I own a mirror for Fucks sake, but I never liked the way girls liked to use me.

I've been in three relationships since I hit my teens but they weren't good. Two of my former girlfriends were only with me because we made a good looking couple and my other former girlfriend just wanted to piss her dad off.

None of them actually cared about me.

Hence the reason I shy away from relationships. The occasion hookup was good enough for me.

And I do mean occasional. I'm by no means a manwhore, not anymore. It causes more trouble than I need. Up until I moved to this shitty little town, I had a fuck buddy arrangement with one of my good friends. Sadly, we didn't hook up as often as I'd like; maybe once every two weeks but we both had other shit to worry about so it didn't bother me that much.

"Look what the cat dragged in," I heard Lauren sneer.

I saw Bella stuck in between the three girls-Lauren, Jessica, and Samantha.

"Nice hair," Jessica laughed, tugging on her blue strands.

Bella remained quiet and tried to get around them. They just moved in whichever direction she did.

It pissed me off.

I had no idea why either.

"Leave her alone," I snapped, grabbing Bella's arm. "Why don't you pick on each other instead? God knows you three have reasons too," I said. "I'll start you off, she has a shitty nose job, whoever did those tits botched them, and you..." I snickered at Jessica. "Stop rolling around in Doritos, okay?"

They gaped at me as I walked with away with Bella.

When we got in the building, away from all the prying eyes, she finally spoke.

"Thanks."

Part of me had thought I dreamed her up. Or at least dreamed up the fact that she had talked to me. But I know I didn't. How could I dream up her beautiful voice?

_Dude, I think you lost your balls. You should probably go search for them._

Fuck off.

"No problem," I said, following her like a lost puppy.

"Why'd you do it?" she asked.

"Why do you talk to me?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"I don't know," she admitted.

"Same." I said, rubbing the back of my neck.

"You just ruined any chance you had at popularity," she told me as she unlocked her locker.

"Do I look like I give two shits about being popular?"

She eyed me, "No, I guess not. Here in Forks, that's all that matters, you know. Lauren is on the top, impress her and well you're set for your high school ride. Be a freak like me and...prepare for apples to bombard your back."

"Someone threw fucking apples at you?"

I was livid, and I was confused. I just met this girl yesterday and already I was willing to put someone in a coma for her.

"It was a while ago."

"Who did it?"

"Look, I appreciate you sticking up for me but don't worry about it. Just...I'm no good okay? You should really choose a better friend."

"If anyone of us is no good, it would be me," I laughed. "What's the worst you've ever done? Stolen bubble gum for the local gas station?"

"I..." she stopped herself.

"Is this your way of saving you don't want to be my friend? Cause I get it if it is."

"It's..."

"Fine, nice meeting you," I snapped. "Have a great fucking day."

"Masen..."

I walked away.

Fuck her.

* * *

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	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or it's characters**

* * *

Bella

Great job, Bella.

The guy helps you out and you tell him you don't want to be friends with him. Well, I didn't exactly say that. I hinted at it.

It's not that I didn't want to be his friend...I just wasn't good, at all. I didn't want to drag him into my fucked up life. I was unstable, at least that's what my doctors told my father.

Not that he gives two flying fucks about it. My mom, well she's drunk off her ass twenty-four seven, so she didn't have an opinion on it.

The only real ally I had was Esme.

I didn't warm up to her at first, I hated talking about...it. I still do. But eventually I learned that she was here to help me.

She made was the one who got me released from the hospital and she's the one who could send me back.

As long as I take my meds, she won't though.

But I don't take them, and she doesn't know. All I had to do is act less depressed and I think she buys it.

Maybe, Maybe not.

She hasn't sent me back so I think it's going good.

It's not that I don't want to get better. I do. But I hate the way the medicine makes me feel. I can get better on my own.

_Yeah right._

I'm trying at least.

I have a lot of shit to sort through. I won't get better overnight, as much as my dad wants me too. I'm an embarrassment to him.

_He's not even your real dad!_

No, Phil isn't my real father but he's been in my life since I was about six. He was my father's best friend since high school and when my father passed away he stepped up and helped my mom raise the four of us. My real father, Charlie, was a cop for this small town years ago. You never saw much trouble here and when there was, it wasn't anything bad. Some kids from a neighboring town decided to get a little wild one night and robbed the local gas station.

My dad was on duty that night and well...He tried to stop it but in the end, he ended up in a body bag.

My mom married Phil like three months later. I was suspicious about that but mom was worried about the bills and the fact that we might not have medical anymore so I guess I get it.

At least Phil wasn't bad.

Well...he didn't use to be.

After the...the...it, none of us were the same. Phil hates my guts, so does my mom. My older brother and Sister probably do as well but I haven't seen them in months.

As soon as the funeral was over, Jasper and Rose took off to another state.

I wished I could've left with them but I didn't get that choice.

Nope, I'm stuck with a drunk of a mother and an emotionally abusive stepfather.

I think he found solace in a bottle too. He's just better at hiding it. He's able to hide in his office and drink it out before he comes home and...ignores me.

Fuck him.

It's not as if I need him, or my mother for that matter.

I was doing just fine.

_Yeah, keep telling yourself that._

The bell ringing brought me out of my thoughts. With a sigh, I grabbed my books and scurried off to my first period class.

School was School, boring as ever.

I have a lot of time on my hands and am often looking to keep my mind busy. I think I've read my class books at least five times. As soon as we hit another lesson, I know what to do.

I'm that prepared.

But now school sucks for me. I don't pay much attention, I mean I try but why focus if you already know what's going on, right? I just doodle mostly.

At lunch, I grabbed a sandwich and went to my benches. Masen was sitting there, eating some pizza and listening to his IPod.

He glanced up when I sat down but didn't bother to say anything to me.

I sat down at the table across from his and started to eat my food. I brought out my sketchbook and tried to finish my tattoo sketch.

I was relaxed next to Edward, which was still so odd to me. I almost regretted my decision to push him away. Feeling like this most of the time would be great; it's like drugs but I'm in control of when I feel calm.

"What are you working on?" Edward asked.

"A tattoo," I answered. "I have three big pieces that I drew but I'm not sure which one to get."

"Can I see?"

I nodded and handed it over.

To me, it was like handing a complete stranger my first born. My sketchbook was that important to me.

"These are fucking incredible," he said, flipping through. "You have a real talent for this shit."

I laughed, a real laugh. "Thank you."

"Where'd you learn this?" he asked.

"I...I have a lot of free time...plus internet," I added.

"I've tried my hand at drawing but it never looked right. I do draw a mean stick figure so if you're ever in need, come to me."

I giggled, "I'll keep that in mind."

"Do you take requests?" he wondered. "Cause I've been thinking about getting some work done around this area..."

My mouth watered a bit as he pulled up his t-shirt to reveal his sculpted chest.

"I was thinking about having something that took up my whole side but I haven't found anything on the internet that looked good enough."

He had washboard abs, guys. I wanted to lean forward and touch them, see if they felt as hard as they looked. Would he be offended if I did that?

_No but he'd probably be creeped out._

Just pretend you're taking measurements.

"Blue? you in there?"

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, blinking. "Did you just call me blue?"

"Well, the hair..." he smirked. "It fits, don't you think."

"It's kind of boring, wouldn't you agree?"

"I'm still working on it," he promised.

I nodded slowly, "Alright...uh, yeah I take requests I guess. What did you have in mind?"

"Anything."

"So two unicorns doing it on a rainbow is cool?" I asked.

"No."

"Not a fan of unicorns?" I teased.

"You could say that."

I laughed, "I'll figure something out. No unicorns, I promise."

"Thank you."

The bell rang and I quickly started gathering up my stuff. Edward took off without another word and I followed a few moments later.

He didn't try to talk to me in class. It was as if we had an unspoken agreement. He could talk to me when he was alone and I would respond but talking to me while in class was a no-no.

I kind of like that.

It was nice to talk to someone, even if it was for just a brief period of time, someone who wasn't in the know of my past...someone who didn't push or question.

When school ended, I quietly made my way to my beat up Chevy and climbed in.

I glanced at Edward but noticed that he was busy with Jessica Stanley. My heart sank in my chest as I watched him smile at her.

How could I be so stupid? Edward's...gorgeous and perfect. He wouldn't want someone like me. No one would.

I averted my eyes and quickly peeled out of the parking lot.

When I got home, I was alone. There was a sloppy note on the kitchen counter from my mom asking me to clean up and take out the garbage but that was it.

I did my chores like I was told before retreating to my room to do my homework.

It was as I passed by _her_ room that I froze. The door was wide open and was allowing me to peek inside the soft pink room. I dropped my backpack by my feet and pushed the door fully open.

It was still the same.

_Her_ bed was still unmade, _her _toys lay scattered on the floor, and _her_ drawings were still hung on the wall.

I felt my chest rip open and soon I was gasping for air.

There use to be a time when I would sleep in here just so that I could smell her but now her smell was gone and it left a painful reminder.

I slammed the door shut quickly and rushed to my bedroom. I barely made it to the bed before I was a sobbing mess.

No matter how good Masen made me feel at school, he couldn't protect me from the horrors that plagued me at home.

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	5. Chapter 5

**There has been a bit of a time jump**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight**

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**Edward**

My lunch period was easily one of my favorite parts of the day.

Blue and I fell into a routine of sorts. We'd meet at the picnic area, eat, and talk. We had limits though, no personal questions came from either of us. The first time I asked about her home life, she froze up and refused to talk the rest of the hour.

I really kicked myself in the balls on that one. I've grown fond of our hour together. She understands me, even if she doesn't know me. But that's what makes us work.

She didn't know about the shit I go through and I didn't know about hers.

It's for the best.

If I found out who hurt her, I'd put them in a grave. I have no problems with violence. Just check out my record.

However, it also kept Bella safe. I found out early on that she's someone who would gladly shoulder the blame for the world's problems.

In my eyes, you only get that way if someone is blaming shit on you all the time. Again, I'd gladly beat the fucker who told her that shit.

My feelings for Blue were overwhelming at best.

She brought up feelings that I didn't understand or that I haven't felt for anyone but Alice. Yet I could hardly consider Blue like a sister. It'd be weird.

Especially with the reactions, I have whenever she's near.

It's been a week since I started at Forks High and I still rise to the occasion when I feel her near. Seriously, I'm hard enough to drill a hole in the wood of the picnic table.

One of these days, I'd die of blueballs.

Hopefully, I can find someone one willing to fix my problem at Mallory's part next Friday. I was kind of hoping it would be last Friday but her parents decided to postpone their trip for a week.

_cockblocking bastards._

I briefly wondered if Blue would come but knew that was just silly. No one invites the freak and even if they did, they probably wouldn't let her in.

Maybe I can ask her to go with me. I'll keep her close and make sure no one messes with her.

_But what about the blue ball situation?_

What's another week?

My inner asshole grumbled in disdain.

I'm going to ask her to come along. In fact, I'll do it today.

My morning went by fast and soon enough I found myself in the lunch line waiting to grab my meal. I had yet to see Bella today which is weird since I usually see her in passing, and most of the time I see her when she gets here.

Not today, though.

"So, Masen," Samantha giggled. "You doing anything tonight?"

"Not that I know of, why?"

"Well," she giggled again. "A couple of us are heading down to Port Angeles and I wanted to see if you wanted to tag along."

"What are you doing in Port Angeles?" I asked, looking down at her.

Samantha was cute enough. She was a short and plump with an oval face, long black hair, and gray eyes. But she was fucking annoying. She had this high pitched giggle that she always uses and she's a persistent little thing.

Rumors around here say she was passed through the football team like a football.

No thanks.

"Oh, you know, just watching a flick...maybe grabbing a bite."

"Who's all going?"

"Lauren, Tyler, Jessica, and Mike."

All couples.

"I'm good, have fun though," I said, paying for my lunch.

Samantha's shoulders fell as I made my way toward the doors.

"Edward, wait," I heard Alice yell. "Where are you going? Eating alone is weird."

"I'm fine, Al. Just go eat."

She sighed, "Alright, Alright. I don't need a ride tonight. I'm planning to go to Port Angeles with Lee and Avery."

"Who's driving?"

"Avery's brother, Caleb." Alice explained. "He's gay though so it's cool."

"Did you ask Esme?"

I didn't really like the idea of her heading out to Port alone but she would go whether I wanted her too or not.

"Yep and she said it was okay." She grinned. "So, I'll see you later. I'm sure you'll wait up so I'll check in." She bounced up and kissed me on the cheek before heading back to her friends.

I sighed and made my way outside.

Blue was waiting for me. Well, I guess I couldn't call her blue anymore. Her hair was now a light pink with lavender tips.

They weren't joking when they say she dyes her hair every week.

"Hey, Blue."

"Can't call me that anymore," she smirked.

"Pinkie, work?"

"How does Eddie sound, Masen?"

"Lavender, then?" I grimaced.

"Are you going to continue with the color names?"

"Yes." I confirmed.

"Lavender works."

I grinned at her and took the seat next to her.

"What's with the change of hair?" I asked.

She went rigid in her seat.

I hit a sensitive subject. I grimaced and looked down at my full tray as I tried to figure out how to quickly change the subject.

"You going to Mallory's party this Friday?" I asked.

She barked out a tense laugh, "I wasn't invited."

"I'm inviting you."

"She'd have a stroke if I showed up...with you, nonetheless."

I arched a brow, as if to say 'who gives a fuck', and bit into my pizza.

"I'm good." she said. "I have this...thing anyway."

She was lying.

"What time does your thing end?" I asked. "We can hang out afterward, maybe gets some pizza or something."

"Are you asking me out?" she asked.

"No, just as friends," I quickly pushed out.

"Oh..." she sounded sad. "What about the party?"

"It's just a party, there will be more of them."

"We'll see," she sighed. "I'll figure out what I'm doing and text you."

"So, you want my number than?"

"Sure."

I pulled out my phone and took her number before shooting her a quick text so that she'd have mine.

"You can call for anything," I said, clearing my throat. "I'm up late so if you ever need someone to bore you to death, I'm your guy."

She smiled softly, "You are hardly boring."

"Once you get to know me, I am." I said. "I'm not even this tough on the inside but don't tell anyone...or you know, I'd have to kill you."

"Your secret is safe with me, Teddy bear."

I scowled at her. "I think I heard you wrong, can you repeat that?"

"You're a teddy bear." she giggled. "You know, soft and harmless."

"You really shouldn't have said that."

I reached over and started to tickle her sides. She flailed around as she tried to avoid my fingers but I pulled her close and kept tickling her.

"Okay, Okay," she laughed. "You're not a teddy bear."

I pulled back.

"Jeez, sensitive much?"

I inched my fingers closer.

"Do it and I'll break them off," she warned.

I grinned at her.

"E! E! Are you out here?" I heard Mallory shout.

Bella's eyes widened and she quickly started to gather up her things.

"E! There you are...Swan?"

Bella brushed past her and quickly made her way toward the biology building.

"Was she bothering you?"

"Are you delusional?" I asked. "I stand up for her all the time, why would she bother me?"

"It's just creepy," Lauren said, crossing her arms over her chest. "The bitch never talks, like ever. How is that a peaceful lunch? She's probably just staring like a dumbass."

"Whatever."

I chucked my lunch, tray and all, into the outside garbage can before I went after her.

I knew that our time was up, she wouldn't talk anymore but I still wanted to be with her.

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	6. Chapter 6

**It gets very heavy in the next few chapters.**

******Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or it's characters**

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**Bella**

"We've got partner projects coming up," Mr. Molina started. "The person you're sitting next to will be the person you work on the project with. It's an out of school project so you WILL have to work on it at home, or the library, or somewhere."

The class let out a groan, all but me and Edward.

I glanced at him, nervously biting my lip. Would he want to hang out with me out of school?

Edward smiled brightly at me.

He was too good to me.

Every day for the last week, he sat outside in the cold with me and talked. He never once asked about personal family life but he did pester me about my favorite color, movie, flowers...things like that.

Could he be anymore perfect?

He's perfect for me

_Minus the fact that he looks like sex on legs._

I sighed, yeah there is that.

"Um, Mr. Molina?"

"Yes, Lauren?"

"Poor Masen is stuck with Silent Swan, that's hardly fair," I looked down at my books. "He can join our group if he'd like."

"Edward, would you like to join her group?"

Well, can you blame Mr. Molina for asking? It would be difficult to do partner work without a willing participant.

"No, I'm good."

"Alright, Miss. Swan, I expect you to help out still."

I gave a slight nod, which shocked Mr. Molina. That's the most I've acknowledged him since I started this class.

Masen's breaking down my walls, I thought sourly.

They were up for a reason. To protect myself. I had to keep it that way. But how could I do that? I didn't want to lose what little I had of him.

Fuck.

I scrubbed my hand over my face and stared at the front of the room. Mr. Molina continued to discuss what the project would be about and when it was due.

I found it was easy enough and I'm sure E did as well. He's in advanced biology for a reason.

Halfway through Mr. Molina's discussion, my phone vibrated. I pulled it out of my bag and saw a text from Masen. I glanced at him but he was looking straightforward.

_Your place or mine?_

I chewed on my lip as I thought about it. The idea of having Masen at my place wasn't exactly appealing. With my mom being drunk off her ass all day and my dad being an asshole, I didn't want him to witness it.

At the same time, I didn't want Esme to watch me like I was an exhibit at the zoo.

_How about the library? _I sent back

_Have you seen the same library I have? It sucks. I get it though, you don't want some weirdo at your place.. What about mine?-E_

_You're not a weirdo, at least no more than I am. I...My place is perfect.-B_

Please let my mom be out late tonight. She was home early yesterday, and hardly drunk so she'd probably make up for that tonight. I knew my dad had a business meeting in Seattle so he wouldn't be home until tomorrow night.

_You sure?-E_

_Positive-B_

Please don't let me regret.

When biology ended, I headed to gym silently. I never participated but I was still told to dress in my gym wear. I did and found myself a place on the bleachers while the rest of my class played basketball.

Even if I did want to participate, I sucked at it. I lacked the necessary hand eye coordination for that. I use to injure not only myself but also anyone who was dumb enough to get close to me.

Teachers were benching me long before the whole being silent thing.

"Hey!" A small girl with cropped black hair and big green eyes greeted. She looked way too young to be in my class yet here she was anyway. "I'm Alice Masen. I think you know my brother..."

So this was the infamous Alice. Edward talked about her a lot. He was very protective of her, that much became obvious early on.

"He really likes you," she whispered. "He's usually the biggest asshole ever but then he met you. He's not as much of an ass but Rome wasn't built in a day, you know?"

I was quiet.

"So you really don't talk." she mused. "I wonder how he deals with that. He's the type that hates when someone gives him the silent treatment. I bet he just loves you!" she laughed.

Alice never faulted despite the fact that I didn't response. She kept chatting with me and asking questions only to answer it herself. She explained that she was in this class because all the other gym hours were full and this is the only one that had spots.

She was a talkative one, that's for sure. It seems like she didn't like the silence at all. Her brother was the complete opposite. If I went quiet, he dealt with it until I was ready to talk again. Alice gave up information freely while Edward would rather boil life puppies than tell you anything about himself.

I get it, I really do.

Still it was nice to listen to someone talk. Alice wasn't like the rest who got discourage by my lack of response, she kept talking whether I liked it or not.

Maybe that was her game.

Talk so much that I tell her to shut up.

I didn't. I just let her go and go until the bell rang.

"Well, see you later," she beamed before bouncing into the locker room.

I shook my head and went to change.

"Swan!"

I ignored Lauren and opened up my gym locker. Lauren, never has liked being ignored by me, nearly slammed the locker closed on my fingers.

"I'm talking to you," she sneered.

I looked at her but didn't say a word.

"Listen, Masen is off limits to you, got it?"

Was that what this was about? I nearly rolled my eyes at her.

"I asked if you got it," she snapped, grabbing my chin. "Say yes, Lauren, I get it."

"Lauren, knock it off," Jessica asked, glancing around.

"Shut up." she spat.

"You know she doesn't talk," Lee said. "Just leave her."

"As soon as she agrees to leave Masen alone," she turned back to me and waited expectantly. "Did that accident cause you to go deaf too? Where were you shot again?"

I froze.

"Lauren!" Jessica gasped.

"Oh come on, Everyone knows what went down," Lauren laughed. "Didn't you kill your sister?"

I felt like I had been punched in the face.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Trigger warning**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

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**Bella**

"Way too far, Lauren," Lee said, disgusted. "You know she didn't do anything."

"I bet she did."

"Let her go," Alice fumed, yanking Lauren's hand off my face. "My brother will hear about this."

"I didn't do anything."

"Oh, you did plenty," Alice growled. "Are you okay, Bella?"

I could barely hear her. It was as if I was in another world. My eyes focused on that day, the day I lost her.

This week was already hard enough because the anniversary of Elle's death was on Friday, just a couple days away. It's been nearly three years since she died and it still hurts. Each day is a struggle.

I try so hard not to think about her, not to blame myself but someone always brings it up. Whether it be people at school or the people closest to me, the ones who should never want to hurt me.

My therapist says it's not my fault, what happened couldn't be prevented but I feel different.

She should be the one alive right now, not me.

"Bella?" I heard Alice whisper.

I snapped out of it.

I grabbed my things out of my locker and quickly took off before anyone could stop me.

I was on the verge of shutting down. I could feel it slowly building up. I've been doing so good too. I hadn't had a breakdown or even a panic attack in nearly a month and a half.

For me, the feeling was like diving into a pool. You want to touch the bottom but when you do, it feels impossible to get back to the top. You pray you get there before you run out of air.

Sometimes I didn't even try to break surface. I just let myself drown but only when no one else is around to witness.

I'd be shipped off to a mental institute faster than I could blink if my parents found me gasping, cry, and trying to hold myself together.

"Bella?" Edward questioned as I breezed past him.

I threw myself into my car and quickly left. As great as Edward is, not even he could keep this pain at bay.

I got home in record time. I sped the whole way, earning a few aggravated looks from some senior residents and confused looks from others. I paid them no mind.

When I got home, my mother's car was in the driveway. I whimpered and banged my head against the wheel.

Breath, Bella.

I tried to use the breathing exercises that Esme taught me during one of our many sessions. She said it was help, I called it bullshit but promised to try anyway.

It worked this time.

My breathing was still heavy but I no longer sounded like I was seconds away from hyperventilating. Still, I waited in the car a few extra minutes to make sure my mom didn't detect anything out of the ordinary.

Hell, maybe she's drunk and will ignore me anyway.

Once my breathing had returned to normal, I climbed out of the car and walked into the house. The heavy stench of vomit filled my nostrils. I grimaced and went in search of my mother, who was probably passed out in it.

"Bella?" she slurred, swaying slightly as she stood at the top of the staircase.

"Hey, mom."

She gave me a dirty look.

I sighed and climbed the stairs. I intended to go into my bedroom but mom just couldn't let me go without dealing a final low blow.

"You should be dead too," she grunted, bringing a bottle to her lips. "She was so young...I...I remember seeing her...she looked like she was sleeping."

I never saw her completely still. The last memory I had of my little sister was her baby blue eyes staring into mine as she struggled to breath.

My breath caught in my throat.

"Why'd you survive?" she asked, eyeing me. "What's so special about you?"

I didn't respond, I took the emotional beating in silence. Just like I always did.

Mom didn't give me another glance as she stumbled down the steps and out the front door.

Those bullshit breathing exercises were worthless now. I slid down the wall, breathing heavily and trying to hold myself together.

Why did I survive?

What was the point? It's not like my parents are happy that I made it out. Fuck, not even my siblings give two shits about me. The only person who cared died three years ago. Why couldn't I die with her?

I had been close.

I was on life support for five months but I pulled through.

It's not something I talk about, or even let myself think about. Out of sight, out of mind.

But at times like this, that safe that keeps the memories of that day break open and I'm assaulted with the memories.

_"Get the door."_

_Elle shook her head as she continued to brush her dolls hair, "I'm not supposed too."_

_I nudged her with my foot, "Do it."_

_"You do it."_

_"No," I whined, pulling my blanket over my head. "Go."_

_"I'm not supposed too!" she glared. "I'm gonna get in trouble."_

_"I won't tell if you won't."_

_I just didn't want to get the door. I had a long day and all I wanted to do was kick my feet up and eat. _

_"If I get in trouble," she started, sliding off the couch._

_"Flash them those baby blues and give them that infamous pout I taught you."_

_Elle nodded and went to get the door._

It happened so fast after that. I remember turning on my movie and then BAM. I heard two quick gunshots. I jumped to my feet and ran toward the door.

Elle was...she was on the floor, blood was already pooling around her. She was gasping and crying. I went to run to her and he stepped in. He briefly glanced in my direction and then fired.

The memories were killing me.

It was my fault. She knew she wasn't supposed to get the door but I made her. If I wouldn't have pushed, I would be dead...not her.

It should've been me.

Flashes of Elle laying there in a pool of blood assaulted me once more. I squeezed my eyes closed as if that would get rid of them.

Go away, I begged.

Please.

There was one way to end it. I wouldn't have to feel any more pain, no more rejection, or hurt.

I've only ever contemplated killing myself twice. It was months after I found out Elle died. I wanted to as well. I took a handful of medication but Phil found me and I was taken to the hospital. They pumped my stomach and I was sent to do my first stint in a mental hospital.

My second time thinking about it was during my stay at the hospital. I hated it. They caused more pain then they helped.

But now no one was home.

No one could stop me.

Phil wouldn't be home until late tonight and my mom is probably going to be home later than he is.

I could do it and I won't be revived this time, nor will I be shipped off to some hospital.

I'd just go.

I stood up on shaky legs and stumbled into the bathroom. I opened up the medicine cabinet and found the pills. Between my mom, stepdad, and I we had more than enough pills to start a pharmacy.

It wasn't hard to find enough pills to do the damage. I grabbed a handful of pill bottles and closed the cabinet. I set the on the counter and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

I looked broken, sad, but I wasn't scared.

I was ready for this.

I turned away from the mirror and went to start the bathtub. I then searched for a razor.

I've never cut myself. It's the one thing that people can see. Esme checked my arms weekly because I wear long sleeve shirts a lot. It's the weather that keeps me in long sleeve shirts, not that.

In one of my old group therapy sessions, I met a girl who told me it felt good. I was always curious but never did it in fear of being caught.

Tonight it was to ensure that no one saved me.

While the water filled up, I went back to the sink and grabbed the pills. I emptied a bunch of them into my hand and before I could think about it. I put them in my mouth and swallowed as best as I could.

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**Killing yourself isn't something I reccomend. I get why people do it but it's just recently that I've started to disagree with it. For the longest time my mom and I used to argue about it. She says they're cowards while I thought that they did it for a reason, that they needed to be free from the pain. It just got too much for Bella...her mom blames her, people at school tease her about it, the memories, and the fact that it's so close to the anniversary of her little sisters death. And the fact that they all hit her at once wasn't good.**

**I apologize for offending anyone -I feel like that's a good thing to add since I probably did.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Trigger warning**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

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**Edward**

What the hell was her problem?

Bella just ran out of her like someone lit her ass on fire. I stared after her with a frown but she paid me no mind. She got in her car and quickly threw it in reverse, nearly knocking into Tyler.

He snarled something at her but she just kept going.

"Was that Bella?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, what's her problem?"

"Lauren was picking on her," Alice explained. "She threatened her for hanging out with you."

"What?" I asked, enraged.

"I think you should go after her," Alice said, nibbling on her bottom lip. "I have a bad feeling."

I nodded, "I will. After I deal with Lauren."

"She can wait, Edward."

But I was already walking in Lauren's direction.

"Masen, hey," she said, lighting up.

"What's your problem?" I asked. "Are you that much of a bitch that you have to pick on someone who doesn't deserve it."

"I was looking out for you."

I snorted, "I don't need you to look out for me."

"She's trouble. Everything she touches dies..."

"Since when?"

"She killed her little sister, did you know that?" Lauren asked.

I didn't respond.

"When she came back to school, after the accident, she was a fucking freak. She fell asleep in class a lot and often talked in her sleep. She admitted it. She use to apologize for hurting her."

"That doesn't mean..."

"Elle is dead. How other way could she have hurt her?" Lauren demanded. "She's a fucking murderer and you should stay away before she kills you too."

"You don't know shit, Lauren," Jessica snapped. "Everyone knows how it really went down."

"That's what the papers said," Lauren waved her off.

"No one knows the truth but Swan." Mike agreed.

"And the Police." Tyler added. "My Uncle works on the force. He was there that night."

As much as I knew I shouldn't listen to second hand rumors, I was curious. Bella has been through a lot. One look in her big brown eyes could see the hidden pain, the scars.

I knew how pissed I got when someone tried to pry, so I never asked her. I was her safe haven, in a way. I'm the only person who pretends not to give two fucks about her past and she does the same with me.

"What happened?" Alice asked.

I shot her a dirty look but made no move to walk away.

I'm a nosy bastard.

"It was supposed to be a robbery but nothing was taken. This guy just walks in guns shoots Elle, Bella, and Jasper. Renee heard it all and took off."

Jesus.

That's brutal.

But how could Bella think it was her fault. It was the fuck who chose to rob them that night. She didn't do shit.

"Who is Elle and Jasper?" Alice asked.

"Elle was her six year old sister, she died before the medic arrived. Jasper is Bella's older brother. He was shot in the shoulder and a bullet grazed his hip, I think. He took off after he got out of the hospital."

"Probably couldn't stand being around a murder."

"How the fuck was it her fault?" I demanded.

"She probably hired the dude," Lauren shrugged. "She was always jealous of Elle. I mean, how could you not adore that little girl. Even I did. She had Phil and Renee wrapped tightly around her fingers. I'm sure Bella got jealous and now feels remorse for hiring a h...What the fuck?!"

I stared at my little sister in shock. She just clocked Lauren in the nose. She used a lot of force as well. I taught her well.

"Fuck you," Alice spat.

"You don't even know the bitch," Lauren growled, holding her nose. "She's not some perfect little angel. She's a little freak who dyes her hair every week, inks herself like she's some walking piece of paper, and says nothing."

"So because she's different she's an enemy?"

"She's been in a mental hospital," Lauren spat.

"So have I," Alice said. "That doesn't make me a freak."

I eyed my sister. Of all the things, she shares, that was never one of them. I wonder why she felt so protective over Bella. I mean, I get it but I didn't know they were close. I do remember her mentioning that Bella was in her gym class.

She hasn't talked to her though.

"What'd you do?"

"Doesn't matter."

"I think we have a right to know when freaks are walking amongst us."

"How do you have friends?" I asked. "You're a fucking cunt."

She gaped at me.

"Let's go," Alice said.

Lauren doesn't know how lucky she is. I don't hit girls but I'd love to make an exception in her case.

"Are you still going out?" I asked.

"Yeah, I should go. You should go check on Bella."

I nodded, "I'm headed that way now."

Before I left the parking lot, I sent Bella a text telling her I was on my way over. I hoped she'd let me in and not slam the door in my face. She's one of those girls that like to suffer in silence and I'm sure whatever Lauren said was probably vicious and hurtful.

I had a lot to think about on my way to her place.

She had a rough past, just like me only worse. She lost her little sister and came close to losing her own life as well. Now people treat her like she's shit and actually believe she murdered someone...that can't be easy.

Maybe she'd share it with me if I asked.

But did I want to send her into a downward spiral?

When I arrived at the address she gave me earlier, I grabbed my shit and jogged up to her front door. I knocked and the door opened up. I frowned and pushed the door open more.

"Hello? Bella, it's me."

No response.

Should I go in or stay out? Her car was here so I'm sure she was home but maybe she was sleeping. The last thing I wanted to do was give her a heart attack when she woke up to me standing over her.

In the end, I decided to go in. I found her backpack scattered in the foyer. There was a shattered beer bottle next to it. Something didn't feel right.

"Bella?"

All I could hear was the water running somewhere upstairs.

I took the steps two at a time, the bad feeling increased tenfold as I made it to the top.

The door was locked but I broke that shit down like I was a fucking bull.

"Bella! No, no...no..." I ran to the tub. It was overflowing and spilling out onto the tiles. Bella was in it, fully clothed. I didn't hesitate. I pulled her out of there and that's when I noticed the red.

"No..."

I clamped my hand over the wound on her left wrist. I needed to stop the blood flow. I checked her other wrist but saw there was only a little cut, not deep enough to cause her to bleed out but the other was.

I also noticed the pill bottles.

I didn't have time to stop the bleeding here.

I heaved her up in my arms and quickly rushed out of the bathroom. I was slower on the stairs because I didn't want to trip and fall with her in my arms.

I carried her out to my car and sped down the street. I was doing seventy by the time I hit the middle of town. A cop got on me but I didn't stop. The one good thing about being in a small town like this? The hospital wasn't too far away.

I had two cops on my tail when I screeched to a stop in front of...Carlisle and Esme, Ironically enough. They looked like they had just finished taking a break and were heading back inside.

When they heard my tires, and probably the sirens, they stopped and looked. Carlisle looked like he was about to have a heart attack when he saw my car.

"Hands in the air!" The cop yelled.

I ignored him.

"Edward!" Esme gasped.

I ignored her as well and pulled Bella out of the car.

"She took pills, a lot of them I think and...her wrist...you have to save her..."

Carlisle shouted something toward the ER and seconds later, a gurney was brought out.

"What did she take?" Esme asked as I laid Bella on the gurney.

She was whisked away the second she left my arms. I tried to follow her but Esme kept me back.

"Edward, did you see what she took?"

"No. I found her in the bathtub...is she...they have to fix her." I begged.

"You know he'll do his be..."

"No! He needs to make sure she survives...I...I need her."

She came into my life just a fucking week ago yet the thought of losing her terrified me.

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	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight**

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**Edward**

Motherfucking hospitals

They always make you uncomfortable while you wait to figure out if the person you care about is dead or if they by chance made it.

That's what I'm doing right now.

I'm sitting in the uncomfortable chairs next to my sister while I wait to find out if Bella is alive.

Want to know the shittiest part? It's been an hour and a half and not one of Bella's parents have shown up. I know they've been called and yet they aren't here. What gives? Don't you care about your daughter?

"You're going to break the chair," Alice said, grabbing my hand.

I let go of the arm of my chair and kept them fisted in my lap. I hate hospitals, that's part of the reason for my edginess and well the other is pretty fucking obvious.

"I don't care...I don't care. I want that contract. Fix it and...I don't give a shit when the presentation is. Fix it, all of it, and..." Some asshole in a suit came in shouting.

Trailing, or rather stumbling in behind him, was some drunk bitch who look like she was seconds away from passing out.

"Sir...Sir!" The secretary scolded. "Please keep your voice down."

"I'll call you back. I expect you to be on it," Suit snapped his phone shut and walked up to the front desk. "I'm looking for Isabella Swan."

So these were Bella's parents.

"She's in the process of getting her stomach pumped. The doctors will..."

"I'm kind of busy."

Is this fuck for real?

"Sir..."

"Is she going to live or is she going to die?"

"I can't say."

"Why the fuck not?" Suit glowered.

"I haven't spoken to the doctors in..."

"Well go do your job, eh?" He slapped his hand down on the counter and went to find a sleep. Drunky followed him. "I'm filing a complaint."

"They don't seem to care," Alice whispered, saddened.

"I can see." I replied sourly.

"Is her mom drunk?"

"Yup," I glowered.

You show up drunk to the hospital your daughters at? Really?

I shook my head at them and continued to wait for some news, any kind of news.

It was a long time until we got some kind of news. Carlisle came out eventually to talk to Bella's parents. They looked like they couldn't give a rats ass that she was going to pull through.

I deserve a fucking medal for not beating their asses.

I ignored them and focused on how relieved I was that Bella was going to make it.

I got to her in time.

"When can we talk to her?" Bella's mother asked.

"I'll let you know when she wakes up."

Her father sighed and continued messing with his I-phone. Carlisle left them be.

Another hour passed and Esme came out. She told them that Bella was awake but she didn't want to see anyone at this point. Esme thought it'd be best if her parents waited to see her.

"She's our daughter," her father snapped. "We have the right to see her."

"She's in a delicate place right now..."

"Delicate my ass," he snorted. "She was working with you. How could you not see this? Huh? You told us she was doing well."

"She was." Esme sighed. "This is unexpected. Did something happen at home recently? At school?"

"She doesn't talk about it," her father laughed humorlessly. "She hardly talks actually."

"She did better at Volturi," her mother slurred.

"She's going back," her dad nodded. "They'll shape her up in no time."

Volturi's mental institute was a shitty place up in Seattle. I was sent there a couple years after my mom died. That place made me worse. It is as if they don't try to make their patients better, they want them worse so they can continue to get funded.

I hear it's worse for girls. The nurses, the guy ones, like to mess with them when no one's around.

"She's made some real progress with me," Esme started. "I don't..."

"Real progress?" Suit snorted. "She tried to kill herself what kind of progress is..."

The doors burst open and two blondes ran in. One was a girl who looked like a model, she had a banging body and a pretty face. The other was a guy. They looked a little alike so I could tell they were related.

"What happened?" The girl screeched.

"She's fine,"

"What the fuck happened, Phil?" the boy snarled.

"She took some pills and tried to slice her wrists. Apparently, the pills took effect before she could slice both of them," he rolled his eyes. "It's just another cry for attention."

"Why were the pills out where she could find them?" This Jasper character asked. "After what happened last time? Are you for real?"

"She's prescribed medicine," Phil shrugged. "I can't hide it from her."

"You should monitor it," the blonde girl said. "Give it to her at dinner or whatever. Don't just leave out enough pills to kill a small elephant."

"Rosalie, enough. She would've tried whether there were pills out or not," Phil said. "I'm not about to keep an eye on her twenty four seven. I have a job you know."

"What about you? You don't do shit, why can't you watch her?" Jasper asked his mother.

"I'm busy."

"Doing what? Getting drunk?"

"Enough, sit down," Phil snapped.

"No, I want to see my sister."

"She doesn't want to see anyone." Phil said. "So sit your ass down and wait like the rest of us."

"I'm going to go see how she's doing," Esme, who stood their quietly during their whole argument, finally walked away.

"Edward, go see her."

"She doesn't want guests," I said.

"So? She'll make an exception for you."

"Family only," I told her.

"Get your ass in that room," Alice said, smacking me. "She talks to no one but you, most of the time. She might want to see you."

I gave a reluctant nod. "Ready to see if those drama classes actually taught you something?"

Alice smirked, "I've got this covered."

Alice stood up and started clutching her stomach. Then, my sister the drama Queen, started to scream and dropped to the floor. It worked like a charm. Everyone, including the secretary, went to see what was wrong with her.

Even Bella's family couldn't look away.

Another good thing about small towns is that the local hospital don't have many people working for them. I was easily able to type Bella's name into her computer and found out what room she was in without anyone seeing me.

I walked away just as Carlisle and Esme breezed past me to get to Alice.

She'd have a lot of explaining to do but I have faith in her. She's a good liar when she wants to be.

I crept down the busy hallway and no one, and I mean no one, looked in my direction twice. I found Bella's room easily but had to wait around until the nurse finally left her room.

After that I hauled ass and quickly got in before someone saw me.

She was laying on her side, facing away from me. I could tell she wasn't sleeping by the way she was breathing.

"I know you're awake."

She stiffened.

"I'm glad you're okay." I told her, sitting in the chair next to her bed.

"I'm not," she croaked.

"Why?" I asked.

"I'm not looking for pity...I just know that no one wants me here...I don't even want to be here."

"You're wrong."

"How so?" she demanded.

"I want you here, your brother and sister, hell even Alice."

"My brother and sister are here?" she asked, surprised.

"They are," I snickered. "And they went off on your parents. They blame them for letting this happen."

"How dare they." she growled. "They act like they don't care about ninety eight percent of the time. They never call...never visit...they didn't even show up when..." she trailed off

"When what?"

"Nothing."

I sighed and let it go, "Bella, I know we just met but I care about you... a lot. When I found you in the tub, I..."

"It was you?"

"Yes."

"Why couldn't you just leave me?" she whimpered. "Why?"

"I..."

She ignored me and continued on, "How did you get in my house in the first place?"

"Someone didn't shut the door all the way," I explained.

"So that's an excuse to barge in?"

"Look, be mad at me all you want," I snapped. "I don't regret it. Not in the least. I know you think that I don't understand, that I don't know what it's like..."

"You don't." she growled. "You have no idea."

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	10. Chapter 10

******Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight**

* * *

**Edward**

"When I was younger, my father died in a car accident. My mom, who hadn't worked a day in her life, tried to take over responsibilities. It was too much for her. One day, she just gave up. She shot herself in front of Alice and I." I looked down at my hands. "Well, I followed her as she walked away and Alice was stuck up my ass at that point. I opened her bedroom door and before I could say anything...she just did it. Do you know how many times I revisit that night? How many times I wish I could've changed something and saved her? I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed with pain. Killing myself wasn't an option for me since I had Alice to look out for but I wanted too. There were, are, days that I just want to give up and do something so I never have to feel the pain or see the memories..."

I stood up and walked toward the door.

I was feeling angry and on edge, like I always did whenever I brought up what happened in my past.

All I wanted to do was smoke a couple of joints and drink until I could no longer stand up, maybe fuck my frustrations away.

Yeah, that sounded like a brilliant fucking plan.

"About...three years ago..." Bella sniffled. "Some guy showed up at our house. He kept pressing the doorbell, as if he was impatient and in a hurry. Elle and I were watching a movie. I was lazy and didn't want to get up so I told her to get it. She fought with me...she knew she wasn't supposed to get the door but I made her. He shot her as soon as she opened the door. I heard it and I jumped up to see what happened. I...I saw her just laying there and I went to grab her and he shot me. I fell but kept my eyes on hers...she said my name...reached out for me but I was already fading. She told me..." Bella cut off with a sob. "She...she must've know...she told me 'I love you to the moon and back'...it was so quiet, a whisper. I wasn't sure I heard her right at first...And then everything went black. I woke up five months later and my mom broke the news to me...she looked disgusted with me...like she knew what I did..."

"You didn't do anything," I told her, climbing into the bed with her. I wrapped my arms around her shaking frame and squeezed her. "You didn't know someone would shoot her when she opened the door..."

"She knew better..."

"Bella," I sighed softly. "She was little...there was a chance that she would've died from her wounds anyway, even if she hadn't gotten the door."

"She could've been just fine as well..."

"The 'What ifs' will kill you," I told her. "How do you think Elle would feel about this? About you blaming yourself for her death? About you trying to kill yourself?"

"She's probably pissed." Bella sniffled. "I miss her so much."

"I know."

"Does it ever stop hurting? Do the memories ever go away?"

I thought about it for a second, "The pain is always there, it's just dulls a bit. As for the memories...You can't forget them but when the bad threatens to break through...think of the good."

"I try not to think of her at all."

"At first, I was the same," I admitted. "But it actually helps to think of the good. You'll miss them but you'll also smile. Like, I remember when I was little, my mom and I used to bake cookies for Santa together. She use to let me decorate them, too. They looked horrible, not even I would eat them but mom would always smile and say I was going to be a future picaso."

Bella giggled.

"Your turn." I gently pushed.

"Elle use to be crazy obsessed with stars. It was our birth father's hobby. He taught Jasper all he knew and when he passed, Jasper tried to teach Elle and I. I was never into it so I ignored him after a while but Elle loved it. One day...she came to me and told me 'I love you to the moon and back...that's very far away Bella. That means I love you lots'. And after that, it was our thing."

"That's what your tattoo says."

"Yeah, I try not to remember yet I put little reminders on myself. The hair...the tattoos."

"She wanted lavender hair?" I asked, touching the strands.

Bella laughed, "My parents let me dye my hair for the first time at twelve. I dyed it blonde. Elle was so jealous of me. She asked if she could do it too but they told her no. She ranted the rest of the night that she would dye her hair every color in the rainbow when she got older. She bothered me for an hour about it, listed all the ways and different combinations she could think of. I do it for her."

"What's your natural hair color?"

"It's a lame color."

"Black?" I guessed.

"No," she said. "I look just like my dad, my real dad. I'm a brunette."

"You know, I kind of have a thing for brunettes."

"Oh, really?

I nodded in confirmation.

"You'll probably never see my brown hair." she said. "I like colorful hair."

"Me too," I said. "It looks good on you. I don't know many who can pull it off. Actually, you're the first."

"People think I'm a freak," Bella said, rolling over so that she was face to face with me. "I hate small towns. They're so closed-minded. I guess it doesn't help that my family had the biggest most horrific scandal to ever hit this small town."

"This is one of those towns you have to be born into," I mused.

"I was," she said. "My great grandparents lived here, my grandparents did as well, and my parents grew up here...I shouldn't be a freak."

"Fuck em," I said, pushing her hair away from her face. "It's better to be a freak."

"Says the guy that fit in from jump street," she scuffed.

I rolled my eyes at her, "Yeah but do you see me jumping at the chance to sit with the popular crowd?"

"No," she smiled. "You're so weird, Masen."

"That's my middle name," I chuckled.

"Edward weird Masen, it fits," she giggled and the sound was like music to my ears. "What's your real middle name?"

"Anthony."

"That's cute."

"I hate it," I said with a groan. "I was named after my father's brother. He's such a tool."

"You know him?"

"We stayed with him for a few months after our parents died," I explained. "He's a lot like me but he's more of a fuck up. One of his friends tried to touch Alice while he was high...and thanks to that, I did my first stint in juvie."

"How many times have you been there?"

"Five times."

"Why?" she asked.

"Assualt, stealing, possession. You name it, I most likely did it." I trailed off. "I'm not a good guy."

"I don't believe that." she said, curling her hand in the hair at the nape of my neck. "A bad guy wouldn't be here right now, he wouldn't have saved me." She tugged me a little closer and I moved willingly.

I licked my lips as I stared down at hers. All I had to do was move forward and they would touch.

"I still don't understand why you did it..."

"Honestly?" she nodded, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. "I care about you, Bella... a lot more than I should. Seeing you..." my voice broke. "It killed me."

Bella's heart started beating frantically. "I care about you too."

I smiled.

"But you deserve better."

"Don't you think I deserve the choice?" I asked, leaning closer. "If I wan..."

"Her face insists on coming back to see her," I heard Esme sigh. "I'm going to try to talk to her..."

I let go of Bella and quickly hid in the bathroom.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: SM owns twilight, I just play with her characters and put them through interesting and sometimes heartbreaking scenarios.**

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**Bella**

"How are you feeling, Bella?" Esme asked as she entered my room.

"Uh...fine," I said, tearing my eyes away from the bathroom door.

"I was hoping we could talk for a few minutes," Esme admitted, taking the chair beside my bed.

"I'm not really in the mood to talk."

"It'll help."

It did help but only when talking to someone who understood, someone like Edward.

To say I was shocked when he showed up would be a big understatement. I wasn't sure how he found out about what happened but then he told me he was the one who saved me...I was so angry at him.

I demanded to know why he did it, how he did it. I knew no sane person would leave some unconscious girl where she was and just walk away but that's what I wanted.

If only I hadn't told him to come over for our project...I wouldn't be here right now.

I wouldn't be in the deep hole that I was in either.

Edward didn't realize what saving me would do. The fact that I attempted it was enough to earn me a one-way ticket straight back to that fucking Volturi mental institute.

I probably wouldn't even have time to run. I'm sure they'd just keep me in here until someone arrived to cart me off.

But I can't be mad at him. Not after, he told me his reasoning. He cared about me...He's the first to care in so long. It warmed my heart to hear him say it.

But I meant what I said. I wasn't good enough for him. I was damaged in more ways than he would ever know.

"Bella, you know you're supposed to call me when you feel the need to do something like that," Esme reminded me. "I could've helped you."

"I didn't want help."

"I know how hard loosing someone is," I flinched. "But killing yourself is never the answer. Think of all of those that you would've left behind, think of what you would've missed."

I rolled my eyes at her.

I'm sure neither of my parents nor my siblings would've cared in the least. Although, I am a bit surprised that Jasper and Rosalie showed up. They never seemed to care before.

"It gets better, Bella." Esme continued. "I know that it may not seem like it but it truly does."

"Nothing takes away the pain," I told her.

But it dulls, according to Edward.

I couldn't wait for that day. Every time I thought of her, or mentioned what happened, I felt like I was being ripped apart inside. Even the good memories hurt so much because I knew that there would never be anymore good memories with her.

I felt like death was the only way to end the pain but I knew that Elle would beg and plead anytime I tried something because she wanted me to survive.

She's probably so mad at me.

"What brought this on?" Esme asked opening up her notepad.

I shrugged.

"Was it the kids at school?" she asked.

I shrugged.

"Was it something at home?"

I shrugged.

She sighed, "How can I help you if you can't tell me?"

The thing is, I did want to be helped but bringing it up never felt good and that's why I never talked about it.

The only reason I was able to bring it up with Edward close is because though the pain flares, Edward's presence somehow calms me and makes the pain ease.

"I guess I'll let you rest."

She stood up to leave.

"It was something that happened at school." I blurted out.

Talking might be the only way that I got out of being sent to Volturi. My parents listened to Esme and if she insists that I've learned the error of my ways and is going to continue to help me worth through it, maybe they'll back off.

"What was it sweetheart?" she asked, softly.

"Some girls were being evil because...because they found out I liked someone."

"How were they being evil?" she wondered.

"They told me to stay away from him," I said. "And she asked for confirmation that I understood and when I didn't say anything...she brought up the incident. She asked if I lost my hearing when I was shot and then blamed me for what happened...and I just lost it. I tried to do those breathing exercises but it didn't help. I felt like I was drowning, I couldn't breathe and I wanted the pain to stop...I thought I could just end it myself..."

"And that's when you swallowed the pills?"

I nodded mutely.

"Why cut your wrists after inducing that many meds?" she asked.

"I wanted to make sure no one could save me." I didn't realize that I would pass out halfway through though.

Esme leaned forward and grabbed my hand, "I think the combination of not taking your prescribed medicine mixed with the anniversary of Elle's passing and those girls at school picking on you was too much for you. I understand why you did it but that doesn't mean I think it was right. Next time you feel this way, I want you to call me or even a friend if that will help. Call someone and have them come sit and talk with you...You can get through this Bella."

"I don't feel like I can," I sobbed. "It hurts."

Esme stood up and hugged me tightly.

I cried into her shirt and clutched her as if my life would depend on it. "Don't let them send me back to Volturi mental institute," I begged. "I'll see you three times a week, I'll take my medicine...anything you want me to do...please."

"I'll see what I can do," she promised, rubbing my back. "How about we let your family in to see you?"

"They're probably mad at me."

"Well," she sighed. "They aren't exactly thrilled to be missing work."

I grimaced. I wouldn't hear the end of it from Phil.

"Send them in," I finally agreed.

"I'll be right back," she said, letting me go.

I nodded and looked back to the bathroom. As soon as the door to my room closed, Edward strolled out of the bathroom.

"I should go," he said.

"Wait," I panicked.

"I'll come back," he promised, leaning down to kiss my head. "I'll even bring some food, how does that sound?"

"Pretty damn good."

He grinned and took off.

Edward was like the strongest drug there ever was. He had managed to eliminate the pain with just one stroke of his lips on my forehead. Who needed real medicine when I could just have Edward stick around me all day and night?

Seeing Rosalie and Jasper for the first time in years angered me. I tried so hard to not act like a complete bitch when they walked into my room, looking all worried.

I deserve a metal or something like that.

Every little worried look or caring gesture just served to piss me off even more.

They have never been there for me.

Not after dad died, not after Elle's passing, and certainly not now.

They didn't even wait until I woke up from my coma. They both fled the state together after Jasper was discharged and that was literally three weeks after the incident.

They never call, never visit...they just don't care about me.

So why are they here?

"What were you thinking?" Rosalie demanded

I blinked and curled my hand into a fist.

"Save your breath," Phil sighed. "She's hardly said much since she woke up."

"Is something wrong with her brain?" Jasper asked.

"Scans come back clear," Phil said, shaking his head.

"I just don't want to talk to you," I snapped. "Nothing is wrong with me."

"So why are we here?" Phil asked. "Something is wrong with teens who try to take their life."

"I just did it for fun," I replied sarcastically. "There was nothing on TV so I figured why the fuck not?"

"Funny," Phil snorted. "I knew we should've never taken you out of Volturi."

"Let me guess, the money run out?" I growled.

"Don't you dare," Mom glowered.

"What money? What's she talking about?" Rosalie asked.

"Nothing, she's just being her usual sarcastic self." Mom said, waving dismissively. "I'm starving, we should go grab a bite to eat."

"We've been in here for two minutes!" Rosalie snapped. "We're not just going to leave."

"Suit yourselves," Mom grabbed her bag. "We'll be back later."

"Don't get to comfortable here," Phil said. "Hopefully, Volturi will be able to come get you in the next few days."

"I'm not going back there."

"Oh, yes you are."

"They didn't help me!" I snapped. "I won't, I refuse."

"Want to know something nifty? You're only seventeen, therefore you have no choice." Phil chuckled humorlessly. "So, yes, you are going back."

"Please," I begged. "I'll take my medicine. I'll see Dr. Cullen more...Don't send me back there."

"It was the only time you showed progress."

"Don't you care about me at all?" I choked out. "After what happened last time...you're just going to let me go back?"

"What happened last time?" Jasper asked.

"Nothing." Mom said. "Bella was just given the wrong medication."

I closed my eyes, feeling hurt.

That wasn't what happened, not at all. But according to their lawyers and my parents lawyers, that is what happened. That's what the settlement is for...

"That's not nothing," Rosalie growled. "She's not going back there."

"Excuse me? Do you see any other option?" Phil demanded. "We can't sit home and babysit her all day. We have jobs."

"You do,"

"I have things to do as well," Mom huffed.

"Clearly," Jasper said, eyeing our mother in disgust.

"Look, I'll see if I can take a leave from work," Rosalie said. "I'll stay."

"You're going to give up your career for her?"

"She's my sister. Of course I would."

My glare softened a bit.

"I can always stay," Jasper said. "I have nothing tying me to New York. No job, no girlfriend...nothing,"

"You're willing to come back here?" I asked.

Jasper turned to me and his hard stare waivered. He was looking at me with nothing but love shining in his eyes. It confused me.

"Of course, Bella. If you need us, we'll be here."

That's a first.

* * *

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	12. Chapter 12

******Disclaimer: SM owns twilight, I just play with her characters and put them through interesting and sometimes heartbreaking scenarios.**

* * *

**Edward**

I snuck back to the hospital late that night. The nurses didn't even notice me slip by. I felt like I should file a complaint. You should be attentive when working in the suicide watch part of the hospital, not playing angry birds on your damn phone.

But, I was sneaking in so it worked in my favor.

Bella was curled up in a ball on her bed but I could tell she was awake. Her small frame was shaking while small sobs escaped her throat.

It broke my heart.

"What happened?" I asked her.

She froze and quickly wiped her face, "Nothing."

"I thought we were past all the evasiveness."

"I guess not," she sighed, pulling herself into a sitting position. "How'd you get in here?"

"The nurses fucking suck."

She half smiled, "They really do."

"I brought food." I said, holding up the greasy diner food.

"I'm starving," she said, licking her lips. "The food sucks balls here."

"Most hospital food does, scoot." Bella moved over and let me sit on the bed next to her.

"How's your sister? I hear she had an episode or something."

I laughed, "She was helping me get to you."

Bella's eyes widened, "Really?"

"She wanted me to make sure you were okay," I said. "She told me what happened, caught me in the parking lot at school. Do you know how hard it was to not knock Lauren on her ass? She's lucky she's a girl."

"What does Alice like? I feel like I owe her something. She's so nice and I haven't even said a word to her."

"She knows I like you, that's why she has your back." I said. "Maybe say hey to her, I'm sure that'll make her day."

"I can do that." Bella said. "I'll even throw in a hug, she seems like a huggy type."

I groaned, "She is."

"You don't care much for those types, eh?"

"Alice is the only exception," I said. "I normally don't hug, or cuddle. Alice and you are the only ones that have received either a hug or cuddle from me."

"None of your girlfriends get cuddles?"

"I..."

"Let me guess, you don't do girlfriends? You do hookups?"

I nodded, not feeling the least bit ashamed. "Yup."

"I hate guys like you," she muttered, munching on a French fry. "But I can't hate you..."

"That's because I'm awesome."

She snorted, "Well that and...and...because you're really nice."

"Me nice? I'm a manly man, all mean and shit."

She laughed, "My apologizes. You know what I mean. You're new in town and have the choice to be popular and whatnot and you go straight for the weird girl."

"I already told you, I like weird. Plus, you're the only person who hasn't tried to drill me about my past...it also helped that you had a blunt."

"So you only like me for my drugs," she teased. "Figures."

I laughed, "Do you know how hard it is to find a drug connection in this place?"

"I'll hook you up with Demetri," she promised. "He's in Seattle but he sometimes drives up to Port Angeles to meet me."

"We could drive down to Seattle one of these weekends," I put out there.

"I'll probably be on lockdown for the next few months," she sighed. "But it's worth it. I'm not going back to Volturi."

"Good, that place sucks."

"Tell me about it."

She looked incredibly sad all of a sudden.

"How long were you there?" I asked.

"Doesn't matter," she muttered. "I'm not going back."

My eyes narrowed at her and her eyes narrowed at me. We were in an intense glare off for at least five minutes before I caved.

"Sorry...I just try not to think of that place," she said after a couple moments of an awkward silence.

"I get it," I said. "So, when are you getting out of here?"

"Three days?" she shrugged. "I don't know. I have to have a lengthy in-depth talk with the in hospitals therapist."

"And that's not Esme?"

"No, Esme works for a group in Port Angeles. This person is different."

"Do you think she'll recommend keeping you?" I asked.

"Nope," Bella looked confident. "I'm a liar, I've had to lie for such a long time now. I'm so good at acting, sometimes you can't tell what's a lie and what's a truth." she groaned. "Not that I'm proud of it. It just helps."

"Why lie?"

"Why not?" she retorted.

"Talking about it, working through it, is the only way to get better."

Bella laughed humorlessly, "Pot meet kettle."

I rolled my eyes, "I know I'm fucked up but I don't care. I've reached that point in my life where my issues don't faze me much anymore."

"And I haven't?"

"Nope," I said, popping a couple fries into my mouth.

"How can you come to that conclusion? You don't know me that well." She was angry.

"It feels like I've known you forever." I told her. "And I'm not trying to offend you."

"Could've fooled me." she muttered.

"Your wounds are still fresh," I explained. "I've had nearly ten years to come to terms with what happened. You only had three. Not only do you have to deal with the loss of someone but you also have to deal with the fact that you were attacked also. I imagine that it takes more than three years to overcome something like that."

She sighed, "Can we not talk about it anymore? I like how things were. You didn't ask questions and I didn't ask questions."

I nodded, "Sounds good to me."

"So, uh, are you going to Mallory's party this weekend?" Bella asked

"Probably not."

"Oh." she mumbled, nibbling on her hamburger. "What will you do then?"

"I might head down to Seattle for a bit, visit some friends."

"Sounds fun."

"When you get out of this shithole, you should come with me."

"You don't have to invite me just to be nice." she muttered.

I rolled my eyes at her, "Since when the fuck am I just nice for the sake of it? If I didn't like you, I wouldn't be here right now. I can think of a million things that I'd be able to do. I know you think that I'm just hanging out with you for pity but I'm really not."

She sighed. "It's just weird, okay? I'm still trying to adjust to having a friend again."

"Adjust faster because it's going to get annoying really fucking fast if you keep thinking I'm just a pity friend."

She rolled her eyes at me.

I poked her in the side, "I mean it."

"Okay, Okay," she said. "I guess I shouldn't think that about you."

"Thank you."

We finished our dinner in silence. Even after we finished, I didn't want to leave her just yet so I stayed talking with her. I was surprised that I felt compelled to learn everything about her. I wanted to know her favorite color, her favorite flower, hell even her favorite smell.

Bella humored me and answered every one of my questions until she passed out. I didn't realized she had passed out at first because I did ask her to go in depth about why she loved that shitty Romeo and Juliet book so I figured she was just thinking.

Until, she started snoring softly.

Glancing at my watch, I noticed it was quarter after four. I had less than three hours to get home and get some sleep before I had to be in class. Careful, as to not to wake her, I climbed off her bed and then pulled the flimsy sheet up to her shoulders.

Bella grumbled something unintelligible and rolled over into my vacated spot.

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Edward," she murmured.

I turned back but she hadn't moved from her spot, nor had she opened her eyes. A small smile graced her face though.

I had a wide grin on my face as I left her room. Not even a scowling nurse could put a damper on how oddly good I felt.

* * *

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	13. Chapter 13

**********So, I'm sick- I have been for the last few days. Sorry for any errors you may read. **

**********Disclaimer: SM owns twilight, I just play with her characters and put them through interesting and sometimes heartbreaking scenarios.**  


* * *

**Bella**

Four days later, I was released from the hospital.

Phil and my mom were not pleased in the least. They figured the psychiatrist would recommend keeping me or even suggest sending me to Volturi but she didn't. In fact, she said my episode was just triggered by stress and I seemed like a loving happy girl.

I didn't even have to pretend too much. Edward had stopped by just before she arrived and he had me smiling in no time. When he left, I was still in an Edward induced high so naturally I flew through the test with flying colors.

I can't say that I'm happy to be going home but I can say that I'm happy about not going back to that mental institution. With Rosalie and Jasper back semi-permanently, things were bound to get annoying. Yes, annoying. All they've done since they arrived was fuss over me and treat me like a child.

I want no part of them so I ignore them and roll my eyes.

Don't start treating me like you care when your actions have proven otherwise in the past three years. I know they probably fell bad and are only probably staying because they pity me but they need to understand that they shouldn't feel bad and I don't want their pity.

I'm doing just fine without them.

Sigh.

Okay, I'm managing without them but how much better can it get when they're here?

"Wait, Bella," Rosalie called as I started to stomp up the stairs to my room.

I turned to stare at her.

"Pill time," she said, holding out her hand. Ignoring the wish to just smack her hand away, I took the pills and swallowed them sans water. Afterwards, I opened my mouth to show her because I knew she would go there. "Thank you."

"Would you like something to eat?" Jasper asked. "I can make a mean waffle."

I turned around and marched up to my bedroom, locking the door for extra measure.

Before Rosalie and Jasper, I didn't need to. I could be smoking pot or whatever with my parents in the house and they would never come in, not even if they smell it.

They just don't care, although I'm sure you've figured that out by now.

My lovely parents of the year, took off as soon as they signed me out of the hospital. Apparently, Phil has a big work gala he had to attend and of course mom was his date.

Personally, I don't see the appeal of bringing Renee anywhere where there would be drinks. That just equals disaster. However, it's not my problem so let him be embarrassed about it.

Knock Knock, "Bella? Jasper and I were going to watch a movie. Would you like to watch it with us?"

I ignored her and flopped back on my bed.

"Bella?" the doorknob jiggled. "Bella?" she called more alarmed.

"I'm not dead so go away." was my nice response.

Rosalie sighed, "Alright but at least come eat something. Those pills say that you shouldn't eat them on an empty stomach."

"I'm fine, Rosalie. Just go away."

She went quiet, sighing sadly, before I heard her retreat.

That is how my whole weekend went. When I left my bedroom, the very few times I did, Rosalie or Jasper would ambush me with my pills and then try and coerce me out of my room for a day of what they considered fun.

I would stare at them blankly before heading back to my room and cuddling under the covers.

The whole silence thing was in full force when it came to them. I honestly had nothing to say to them, nothing good at least.

Renee and Phil returned on Sunday evening. Somehow my mother was still sober. They both bitched at Rosalie and Jasper and told them to leave me alone. As much as I hate them, I thanked them in that moment.

Of course Jasper and Rosalie had a few choice words to say and it caused an argument between the four of them. It was interesting to hear, a bit puzzling but not my business so I tuned it out.

Come Monday, I wasn't looking forward to going back to school but I had too. So, I woke up at six-or rather I just got out of bed at that time. I hardly sleep, it's been that way since...it happened. I get enough sleep to not shut down but not enough to feel rested.

You'd think with such limited sleep it would affect my grades but it hasn't. I've been getting straight A's since I started going to school and it's stayed that way. I guess that's because it's the one distraction I have.

I'm proud of my grades though and knew that in just a years time, I'd be able to go off to any college I desire. I haven't thought much about college. I just know that I want to be free of this shitty place.

I'll go somewhere warm, maybe Arizona or Hawaii, and I'll never look back. I'll keep the horrors Washington has in that place and...and maybe once I'm gone, it won't hurt as much and I'll be able to become normal.

A girl could only hope

but I know you can't run from your pain, it's always there.

It just dulls.

I'm still waiting for that day, anxiously waiting at that.

"Good Morning," Rosalie beamed at me. "I made breakfast this morning. We've got French toast, bacon, eggs, and orange juice. Your favorite."

My mouth watered at the sight but I swallowed and ignored the food.

"I'm not hungry."

Her face fell, "Oh okay."

"Can I just have my pills so I can go?"

Rosalie grabbed the two pills of the table and handed them to me. I swallowed them and took a big swig of my orange juice.

"Bye."

"Not so fast," Phil stopped me. "Since you can't be trusted after your little incident, we've decided to revoke your driving privileges."

"What?"

"We wouldn't want you to kill yourself or someone else," Phil stated

"Since when do you care?" I demanded.

"Enough," he glared.

"I'll take you, Bella," Jasper said, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I flinched away from him.

"Sorry, I'll just...get my keys."

"This is so unfair."

"Maybe it'll teach you not to cry out for attention." Renee said as she flipped through her magazine.

"Cry out for attention? Ha," I laughed. "That's a wasted breath in this household."

She rolled her eyes.

Bitch.

"Come on, let's go."

I was fuming as I stomped my way to the car like a child. This was unfair. I mean, sure I expected some kind of ramification for doing what I did-because frankly that's just how Phil and my mom are- but I didn't think they'd take my car from me.

How was I supposed to get away when I needed space?

I bet that's part of it but mom and Phil never cared so it would have to be...

"Did you and Rosalie play a part in getting my car taken?" I demanded.

"It's the right thing, Bella."

"Bullshit."

"Your pills say it's not good to operate a vehicle while under them so it's what's right. We care about you and..."

"Bull," I called.

"What changed?" he asked. "You use to think the world of me, I was your big brother that would always protect you. Is it because...because of what happened?" he asked.

"Don't talk about it," I hissed.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, Bells. I'm sorry I couldn't protect, El..."

"Shut up!" I screamed. The car lurched to a stop. I took that time to jump out and continue to school on foot.

"Bella, I'm sorry. Please get in the car."

"Leave me the fuck alone, Jasper. Just go. I'll be fine, okay? I won't try to kill myself, I promise."

I walked faster and Jasper gave up.

Fuck him.

Fuck Rosalie too.

And Phil

And definitely my mom.

Fuck them all.

* * *

**Review**


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry for any errors you may read.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns twilight, I just play with her characters and put them through interesting and sometimes heartbreaking scenarios.**

* * *

**Bella**

"Need a ride?" I heard Edward ask.

"No."

"What happened?" he asked.

"Nothing."

He sped up a little and then the asshole braked his car in front of me. I was forced to stop.

I glared at him as he got out of the car. The one thing I liked about Edward was that he wasn't pushy. He didn't ask me a million questions a minute like someone else would but he's changed, he's getting to comfortable with me.

Like that's a bad thing, a part of me laughed at myself.

The first person to show that he cares and you want to run in the opposite way screaming.

Well, if he knew all my secrets he would run in the opposite direction, screaming.

"What happened?" he asked, touching my cheek.

I flinched back from him.

"Sorry."

It wasn't him. I just...I didn't like being touched all that much. Occasionally, I'll slip-usually when I'm hurt or upset- but I don't often. Edward brought out the strangest reactions in me. I wanted him to hold me, to squeeze me close until I couldn't breath...

But I refuse to get that close.

Something always happens to those I let get to close. Those are the only people that can hurt you and I can't be hurt again, I don't think my already maimed heart could take it.

"Where's your car?" he asked.

"Gone, my fucking sister and brother convinced my parents it was for the best," I kicked his tire. "Assholes!"

"Hey, don't kick my baby," Edward rubbed the trunk of his car. "She didn't mean it."

I pursed my lips, trying to keep myself from laughing. I wasn't sure if it was his intention to get me out of my funk or if he just really loves his car. Although with the way he was making eyes at the car, I'll go with the latter.

"My apologies."

"See, she loves you too."

"You're creeping me out, Edward," Alice called from the passenger's seat.

"Just a bit," I said when he looked at me for confirmation.

"Whatever, it's just my first car. I can't help but love her. She's a beauty."

"Oh yeah, she's a real charmer." I said, rolling my eyes.

Edward rolled his eyes too, "Can I give you a ride?"

I sighed, "Sure."

"Backseat, squirt," Edward yelled to his sister.

Alice grumbled but did as Edward asked.

"Hey, Alice," I greeted. "Thank you."

"You talked to me!" she squealed. "Oh my God!"

"Alice," Edward groaned.

"Oh, sorry." she stopped her bouncing. "I mean, Hello...you're welcome."

Hesitantly, I leaned forward and gave her a hug. Alice melted and squealed again, bouncing in place with my arms still around her.

She sure is...exuberant.

"Alice," Edward warned.

"Sorry. I just knew we'd be best friends Bella and this is the start. I can feel it." Alice explained as I let her go.

"You're cute." I laughed.

Alice was like a little ball of sunlight. She was so much like her brother in the way she was able to make someone feel good, okay, when they were around her. Although, I think she does it consciously, I doubt Edward ever would.

"We need to get to school or we'll be late," Edward said.

"Since when do you care about school?"

"Since I don't want my baby taken from me," Edward said, admiring his car yet again. "Carlisle and Esme are strict."

"But great," Alice sighed, happily. "I really like them."

"Yeah, they're okay." Edward shrugged as he opened my door for me.

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. No one has ever opened up a car door for me before. I didn't think this kind of chivalry still existed.

Edward just smiled at me and waited for me to get in.

Since we really were running late, I didn't wait. I climbed in and Edward sped the remaining two miles to school. I noticed that not even one student was gawking at Edward's car like they were last week.

I guess the shiny new toy phase wore off. Usually it lasts longer.

"Thanks for the ride," I said.

"Anytime."

I climbed out of the car and suddenly, every eye that was present in the parking lot was on me. It was also deadly quiet. It was like how it was my first day back nearly two years ago.

I glowered down at the wet cement as I quickly shuffled my way to my first period class.

"She looks horrible," I heard many students exclaim as I passed.

"I feel bad for her." Others whispered

"Can you see her wrist?" other asked.

I kept my head down and picked up my pace.

First and second hour were horrendous, even the teacher was giving me looks of pity and concern. Everyone acted as though I was some delicate flower. On the plus side, no one was calling me a freak.

They all felt bad for what happened.

Even Jessica stopped me after third hour to talk.

"Hey, Bella," Jessica called as I was gathering my books. "I just wanted to apologize for what happened the other day. Lauren was way out of line."

I stared at her without any emotion.

"So...uh...yeah. I'm sorry," she said, biting her lip. "And...If you need to talk...I'm here, I guess."

I wish I rolled my eyes but I didn't.

Jessica is stuck so far up Lauren's ass, I'm sure she'd just run straight to her if I ever spoke anything to her. She, along with her mother, are the towns gossips. Any little scandal they catch wind of, it'll be all over within minutes.

"I should be going now but...later," Jessica half waved before she took off.

I sighed and hurried off to my fourth period class.

Of course, I should've known that wherever Jessica is, Lauren is bound to be around the corner, literally. When I rounded it, she stuck her foot out and I didn't notice until I was already in the process of sailing to the floor.

I heard a sickening crack as I threw my hands out to catch myself. I gasped in pain and immediately drew my wrist to my chest.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Lauren laughed "How was your stay at the hospital? I'm shocked they didn't cart you off to a mental hospital. You definitely need to be there. Oh are you going to cry?"

I looked away quickly and started to gather my books with my one good hand.

Lauren stepped on my fingers, "You know, this ignoring me shit is getting to be annoying. Speak you little freak."

"Get the fuck off her!" Edward growled.

"Oh, Masen! Hey." She pulled back and straightened out her skirt. "Bella here just fell. Isn't that right, Bella?"

"I'm sure that's what happened," Edward brushed past her, bumping her with his shoulder as he knelt down to help me. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, are you?" Lauren asked, innocently.

"Beat it, Mallory."

"I was just..."

"Being a cunt? Yeah, we got that. Now leave." Edward said, pointing down the hall. "I'm sure Coach Clapp is waiting to have his dick sucked." Lauren gasped. "Or was it Mr. Molina? Or Both? I hear you sometimes do that."

Lauren was gaping like a fish out of water and I couldn't help but snicker. Her mouth snapped shut and she glowered at me.

I wouldn't hear the end of it, that I knew for sure.

"Are you okay?"

"I think I broke my wrist," I admitted. "It's already swelling."

Edward growled, like he actually growled. I looked up at him and his green eyes were filled with nothing but rage.

"Hey, it's okay," I said, hesitantly touching his cheek. "I'm clumsy, it happens."

Suddenly, I feared for Lauren's safety.

He even said I was like his sister and I've seen what happens when someone messes with Alice. Issac ended up with a broken nose and a apple sized lump when he bumped into Alice.

Given Lauren was a girl and I truly wasn't his sister but still.

"Yeah, your clumsy side must be named Lauren, right?"

"It's high school," I shrugged. "Bullying happens. I won't see her ever again once I'm out of this place. I'm thinking of Hawaii, or Arizona," I rambled.

"Mr. Masen? Ms. Swan?" Mr. Banner eyed us warily. "What's going on here?"

"Nothing," I said.

"No, there is something. Lauren Mallory is being a cunt," Mr. Banner gawked at his language. "My bad," Edward corrected. "I mean, she's picking on Bella...on everyone. Bella might have a broken wrist because of her."

"Is this true, Ms. Swan?"

Edward and Mr. Banner turned to look at me.

"Y...yes," I whispered.

Mr. Banner looked at me as If I'd grown another head. Sometimes I forget that they haven't heard me utter a word before. The reaction when they realize I do remember how to talk is comical.

"I'll...I'll speak to her right away." Mr. Banner promised. "Bullying isn't tolerated at this school."

Both Edward and I snorted.

"Good," Edward said. "Come on, I'll take you to the hospital."

"No, I'm fine," I said. "I just...I can't miss anymore days. I need the grades."

"Bella..."

"I'll go after school," I promised.

"Fine but don't use it," he said. "It can get worse."

I nodded and grabbed my bag. "I'll be easy."

The rest of my day was boring, and painful. My classes slipped by uneventfully. I noticed Lauren was missing from several of them and couldn't help but feel happy about it.

Without her, the others left me alone.

My day was painful because of my wrist. It was swollen and throbbing and I knew I should've let Edward taken me when it was still numb. On the plus side, I got out of dodge ball.

When the bell rang, I made my escape and found Rosalie waiting for me with her red BMW rental. I guess Jasper told her what happened and they figured I wouldn't want to see him.

They figured right.

Although, I didn't want to see either of them.

"Hey, how was school?" she asked as I slipped in the car.

"Okay," I said, grimacing. "Can you take me to the hospital?"

"Why?"

I showed her my wrist.

"Jesus! What happened?" she demanded as she looked at the swollen and purple use to be wrist.

I shrugged

"Bella?"

Why can't either of them just let it go? Honestly.

"I tripped," I said. "Over someone's foot."

"And was this someone doing it on purposes?"

She's very perceptive.

"Possibly."

"Did you report her?" she asked.

"Yes, so next time we cross paths, she'll break my neck." I said sarcastically. Only I knew that it was a possibility. Lauren was one of the most vile human beings alive. She thrived on others pain.

She'd be a perfect orderly at Volturi.

"Kids," Rosalie scuffed.

"It happens," I said. "I'm a freak at Forks High. Everyone likes to pick on the freak."

"Why are you a freak?"

I gestured to myself.

"So you dye your hair, big deal."

"The tattoos don't help," I sighed. "And...never mind."

After a quick, and by quick I mean three hour quick, visit at the ER, it was determined that I had a broken wrist and I was set up with a cast and a referral to another doctor.

Rosalie quickly set that up when we got home while I ignored Jasper and her and got to work on my homework.

At seven on the dot, mom stumbled in drunker than I've ever seen her. She threw up in the hallway and then proceeded to collapse in said vomit.

Sighing, I turned the stove off and went to help her.

"Mom," I gently nudged her. "Come on, get up."

"MMm," she grumbled

I held my breath and dipped down to get her into a sitting position.

"Bella?" she questioned.

"Yes," I said, getting her on her feet.

"You're so grown," she cooed, touching my cheek. "I remember when you were just a baby...so cute and chubby."

"Let's get you cleaned up,"

"What's going on?" Rosalie asked as she and Jasper hesitated at the top of the stairs.

"Mom's drunk," I stated. "Like always. I need to get her cleaned up."

"I've got her," Rosalie said. "Ugh, you stink."

"Rosalie? When did you get here?"

"I've been here for nearly a week, mom."

"How often does this happen?" Jasper asked as Rosalie carted our confused mother up the stairs.

"Every damn day," I said.

"How long has it been going on?"

"Since I came home," I said, grabbing a mop.

"You've been taking care of her?"

"Who else will? I can't just leave her passed out in vomit. Phil gets pissed..."

"You should tell him to fuck off,"

I gave a small laughed, "I do."

"Let me clean this. You go up to bed."

I nodded.

On my way to my room, I popped my head into my parents room. I found Rosalie and my mom in the bathroom. Mom was spouting off random nonsense while Rosalie tried to get her shirt off.

"Hey, before you put her in bed, give her a couple graham crackers and some juice. It helps her. No regular crackers because it'll make a reappearance in about a second. Ooh, aspirin helps as well."

"How long have you been doing this, Bella?" Rosalie asked, sadly. "You seem to know a lot."

"That's because I do," I said. "It hasn't been the same since...since..." I swallowed. "I've been doing this since I got out of Volturi."

"I'm sorry you had too," she said. "I should've been here."

I scowled, "Whatever."

"Bella, wait."

"I'm tired," I said, walking away.

Rosalie didn't try to follow me, and for that I was thankful. I did lock my door for extra measure before I curled up under my blankets in the dark.

And thus began my long night of staring up at the ceiling through the darkness.

* * *

**Lauren is...evil, for lack of a better word. Sad thing is, I know girls like her. I've went to school with girls like her. It's insane to think that some girls thrive on the pain they inflict on other people :(**

**Review**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry for any errors you may read.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns twilight, I just play with her characters and put them through interesting and sometimes heartbreaking scenarios.**

* * *

**Bella**

"Rosalie tells me you've taken your medicine everyday this week," Esme stated, smiling. "I'm proud."

"I promised I'd do it."

"You did," she confirmed. "I'm just saying that I'm exceptionally happy. You'll soon feel a difference, I promise."

"I feel tired, all the time." I said. "The medicines you have me on have always done that. I hate it."

"I don't think the medicine is the only thing making you tired," she said, taking a good long look at the deep purple bags under my eyes. "When was the last time you slept?"

"Last night," I said.

It wasn't a lie. I do sleep, I get about an hour or two-three if I'm lucky.

"How many hours?"

"Two?" I said, not entirely sure.

I spent the evening working on my science project with Edward. Unfortunately, I passed out on him while he was talking about his half of the paper. That's never happened before.

I'm...I'm a lot more cautious when it comes to having boys in my room or even around me when I'm tired.

But Edward's voice was lulling me to sleep and so I gave in and woke up some odd hours later tucked in my bed.

"Do you know how many hours an average teenager should get?"

"Eight hours, right?" I guessed. "Look, I'm fine. I just find it hard to go to sleep."

"I can refer you..."

"No, I don't need anymore pills," I said. "I'm not an insomniac...my mind just runs a million miles a minute during the night. It's hard to sleep."

"What do you think of?" she asked.

"A lot of things."

"Any of them related to your sister?" she asked, softly.

"Does someone always have to bring it up when I'm getting better?" I asked. "I'm fine. It has nothing to do with that!"

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"I think our time is up..." I said, standing.

"We still have twenty minutes," Esme disagreed. "Please, sit."

"No, I don't want to talk about that."

"It's not good to keep it bottled up. I hate to tell you but you're getting worse, sweetie. I've seen the descent. Each day, you get angrier, sadder..."

"I'm not going to kill myself," I said. "It never works in my favor anyway."

"Do you think of it often?"

"I haven't since my last attempt," I told her. "See? I'm already better."

"Can you tell me about Elle?" she asked.

My jaw clenched.

"What did she look like?" Esme hedged.

I closed my eyes and there she was. My beautiful little sister.

"Why do you need to know?" I asked, my voice breaking. I didn't let Esme answer. I figured the sooner I gave her what she wanted, the faster she would let me go. "She had short dirty blonde hair that fell in ringlets to her shoulders. She had the brightest blue eyes I've ever seen...Out of all the blue out there, she had a unique color. I noticed as she got older that her eyes started getting little brown flecks in them. Elle thought she was a freak because on of those little flecks got big, big enough to be noticed. She worried that when she started...started school people would make fun of her for it. I told her she was silly. It was small and hardly noticeable. Sure you noticed the color of her eyes first but I'm sure the captivating blue would've made that brown speck easily overlooked." I smiled. "She had freckles, a patch of them over her nose like I do. We both got that from our dad."

"She sounds beautiful."

"She was."

"What was she like?" Esme asked. "Did she have any silly habits?"

"She was the sweetest, funniest little girl you'd ever meet. She made it her mission to make you smile when you were having a bad day. I use to think it was annoying but...I...I miss it. It's not fair, you know? She shouldn't be gone," I said, sniffling. "It should be me."

"No, Bella."

"It should be, I should be the one rotting away in the cemetery, not her. She was so good...I was the bad kid."

"You weren't bad."

"After my dad died I was a little bitch," I said. "I hated Phil for trying to replace my dad. I hated my mom, I was always disrespecting her and treating her like she's shit..."

"Did Elle know Phil wasn't her father?"

"Yeah, she knew. She was one and a half when our dad died and she was a smart one. She knew. When she learned to talk, she never called Phil dad. Mom tried to coerce her but she would just shake her head and run away. Rosalie, Jasper and I took it upon ourselves to show her who our dad really was. Jasper taught her about the stars like dad did the rest of us, Rosalie took her on nature walks and fishing..." I laughed. Rosalie was so high maintenance but she always took Elle fishing on Sundays, like our father used to do with us.

"And what did you teach Elle?"

"A lot of things," I said. "After a while, Rosalie and Jasper 'grew up'. They didn't want to dwell on our father anymore so they forgot him and did teenager things. Elle and I had each other. With mom playing the part of a CEO's wife and Phil working, I played the role of mom. I got her up in the morning, fed her, got her dressed and got her off to the babysitter. I picked her up after school and she tried to help me do my homework."

"She was like your daughter in many ways."

I nodded, "Yeah, I guess so."

"I want to talk about that day, Bella."

I shook my head.

"What happened? How did it start out?"

"I don't remember."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"I said I didn't," I snapped. "You got what you wanted. I talked about her. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go."

I grabbed my bag and stormed out of Esme's office.

Rosalie was perched on the hood of her car, chatting happily on the phone. When she saw me, she told whoever it was that she loved them and that she'd call when she could.

"You're early."

"Esme had something to do," I lied, slipping in the car.

"Oh." I think Rosalie figured I was lying.

"Who were you on the phone with?"

"My fiancée," she smiled.

"You're engaged?" I looked at her hand and saw a ring. Why hadn't I noticed that before? Why hadn't she told me?

"Yeah, his name is Emmett McCarty," she said. "He's amazing. He's planning to come down soon."

"Oh."

"He's heard all about you and he's excited to meet you."

"You talked about me?" I asked, surprised.

"All the time," she said. "I also show him your pictures." She handed me her phone and her background was an old picture of Elle, Jasper, herself, and me. It was the last picture the four of us ever took together.

Rosalie hit the screen and opened up her album. She had dozens of photos of us together, all of them old of course.

"You kept all these?" I asked looking through the photos of us.

She nodded, "I took some of them out and put them on my laptop but most of the pictures we took together are on here."

I smiled as I found a picture of us on Halloween. Elle wanted to be Dorothy so we all themed our costumes around that. Rosalie was the tin man, at least the much sexier version of him, Jasper was the lion and I was the scarecrow.

"You okay?" she asked, rubbing my shoulder.

I wiped my eyes and nodded.

"I miss her," Rosalie told me. "I'm so sorry for being a terrible sister. I should've never..."

"Just stop." I said, throwing her phone down.

"Bella."

"Please," I begged. "I've had enough today."

Rosalie nodded.

When we got back home, Edward was parked out front. He was leaning against his car, smoking a cigarette and having a staring contest with my elderly neighbor across the street.

"What's his story?" Rosalie asked, stopping me from getting out of the car. "What does he want with you?"

"Who knows?" I said. "But he's incredibly sweet. I feel...I feel safe when I'm with him."

"He doesn't ooze safety," she said, eying the ink that lined his arms. "How old is he?"

"Seventeen," I said.

"Keep your door open," she warned. "He's the kind of guy that wants one thing and one thing only. I'm sure it's his mission to score someone innocent."

"Yeah, well I'm not all that innocent," I growled. "And don't talk about him like that. You don't know shit."

* * *

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	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry for any errors you may read.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns twilight, I just play with her characters and put them through interesting and sometimes heartbreaking scenarios.**

* * *

**Bella**

I was Angier at Rosalie's comment then I should've been.

Is it so farfetched that a guy like Edward could actually like me without having any ulterior motives? Okay, it was a bit strange that someone as beautiful as he is-and I'm not just talking about what's on the outside- would like someone like me.

But I wasn't about to question this gift.

"I think she wants me," Edward said, nodding to my neighbor. "She keeps eyeing me like I'm a piece of meat."

"Have you looked in the mirror lately?" I questioned. "I'm sure she'll be thinking of you later."

Edward groaned, "Ugh, Babe, really? She's like ninety. I didn't need to think of that."

He called me babe.

I bit my lip to contain the wide grin that was trying to break out across my face. I've never been called babe before.

"Edward,"

And it was gone.

My steely gaze focused on Rosalie, "Do you plan to stay for dinner tonight?"

"Not tonight," Edward responded.

"Shame."

She didn't sound disappointed at all.

Ignoring her, I turned to Edward, "Ready to finish up our project?"

Edward nodded and we left Rosalie outside to head up to my room. It didn't escape my notice that Rosalie almost immediately followed us into the house and up the stairs. She "discreetly" stopped at the storage closet just to the left of my door.

I shut my door and locked it, smiling when I heard her huff.

"What's up with your sister?"

I shrugged and dropped my bag on my purple comforter, "Ignore her, I do."

"I know," he laughed. "It's not hard to see that you loathe her."

I frowned. Was it really that apparent or was it only that apparent to Edward? He knows me very well-almost too well for someone who's known me for about a month- He was able to pick out things that no one else could.

It was frightening yet I was still oddly okay with it.

It's nice to have someone who gets me around.

"I think she believes it's me causing the strife," Edward admitted laughing. "Now I know for sure that she despises me."

"She does," I confirmed. "Well, she just didn't like you, yet. She's trying to act like a big sister, like she actually cares about me."

"She does."

"Wow, the first time in nearly three years," I said, sarcastically. "I'm honored." I scuffed. "I don't buy it. Why the sudden change of heart? They're just guilty that I tried to kill myself and hoping that their short visit will make things better."

"Deep down, you like it," Edward said as he toyed with a lock of my hair. I moved my head away a little, my hair falling from between his fingers.

"And why do you think so?"

"Because deep down we all want someone to care," he shrugged. "Even me. Esme is always on my ass about something, I may act like it annoys me but I like it. It's a change of pace, y'know?"

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own depression life that I forget that Edward has been treated the same, sometimes worse, for way longer than I have.

"Did you never find a foster home that was nice?"

He shook his head, "Overall, most of the homes Alice and I were placed in were shit. Now, that's not saying the mom or sometimes the dad didn't care but there was always one that didn't and they held the power. The caring one always bowed down. I remember this one home I was placed in, I just turned ten...The woman, Heidi, was a Godsend. She was amazing, just like my mom used to be. Naturally, I hated her for it. The first week we were there, I treated her like shit and she said nothing...and then her husband came home and I saw why. He beat her and tortured her mentally...One day she just snapped. I felt bad for her ever since I first witness her husband's punishments but then she started to take it out on Alice. I didn't notice at first-it was right around the time I fell in with the wrong crowd- but the harder Paul hit her, the harder she hit Alice and eventually the bruises became bigger and lasted longer...that's when I noticed it."

"What did you do?" I asked, leaning closer. I could feel how tense he was getting-the anger was radiating off him in waves-and yet with just my simple shift closer, he started to calm.

"I couldn't exactly hit a girl so I did what she did, I took it out on her husband. I waited until he came home drunk one night and took a baseball bat to him a couple hundred times, right in front of Heidi." he sighed. "And I was hauled away an hour later but so was Alice so It was all good."

"How long did you spend in Juvie?" I wondered.

"Five months," he said. "Alice is a great liar."

My eyes widened, "What did Alice lie about?"

"She told cops that Paul was beating on her when I walked in. I had the bat cause I was with my friends and I reacted to protect her. The judge still gave me time because I did assault someone with a weapon but I didn't get nearly as much time as I should've."

I was puzzled by my reaction. He just admitted to lashing out violently when pissed and yet I didn't even flinch-nor did I fear him for a second. The me before Edward would've left the room if someone said something like that to me.

"You know what's weird, Alice went to nice homes when the foster family didn't have to take on me," he mused.

"I think taking on a cute little baby faced girl sans her tatted up brother is appealing to a lot of families," I pointed out.

Edward thought about it for a second, "True. I should've just stayed in Juvie...I'm sure she'd have a great life."

"The Cullen's are great," I said. "She seems really happy...and so do you."

He smiled, "They are great. They remind me a lot of my parents-the stress free days I mean." he sighed. "I slipped up the other day and called Esme Mom."

"And that's bad?"

"It was accidental," he sighed again. "Embarrassing even."

"I'm sure she loved it."

"Don't know," he said. "I ran out before I could see her reaction. She didn't bring it up and neither did I."

"I once called my mom Renee once, it was the first time she talked to me after I got back from Volturi," I said. "She wasn't pleased. Actually, she called me an ungrateful bitch and locked me in my bedroom."

"Seriously?" Edward hissed.

I nodded and sighed. I always have to put a damper on the mood, don't I? "So, let's get this project finished."

Edward nodded and grabbed his bag, "Did you have a chance to read over my essay?"

"Um, no," I frowned. "Sorry, I've been distracted."

"Give it to me, I'll read it."

"Give it to you?" I questioned.

"I gave it to you last night," he told me.

"Oh."

Uh oh.

I really hope his essay wasn't in the pile of papers that I somehow lost the other day. I checked my bag-the move obvious place it should be-but came up empty. I double checked, this time dumping the contents of my bag on the bed before us..

Still couldn't find it

"You lost it."

"Pssh, no," I nibbled on my bottom lip. "I just...have somewhere."

"I'd like it back when you find it," he said. "It took me two hours and a half hours to write."

I ducked down and checked under my bed. I found a couple pieces of paper, one of those being my trig homework that is due tomorrow morning, and the other being Edward's three page essay.

"See, I told you it was somewhere," I said, handing it to him.

"You lost it, just admit it," he laughed, lightly shoving me with his shoulder. "You always do that..."

"Hmm?" I asked, puzzled.

"Whenever I touch you..." he frowned. "I won't hurt you, you know that right?"

I frowned, "What brought this on?"

"You flinch whenever we touch," he explained.

"I guess I'm just not use to people," I joked. "Everyone avoids the freaky girl, it's not impossible and you know it."

I think he sensed it was more but he dropped it, just like my old Edward would've. Maybe I was getting him back, after all.

"I'm heading out to Seattle this weekend, a few of my friends are getting together for a birthday."

" I'm actually supposed to go out to Seattle for a birthday on Saturday." I said. I haven't talked to Jake or Leah in a while but the day of his birthday dinner has been set for like a month now.

I got him tickets to his favorite band.

"Jake?" Edward guessed.

I nodded.

"It's amazing we haven't crossed paths before today," Edward mused. "I use to go in there all the time."

"I hung out at Leah's studio apartment, after shop hours," I said. "Although, I agree. You'd think we would've saw each other eventually. Maybe we did and we didn't know it."

"I would've remembered you," Edward said. "With the hair and all. No offense but you do stand out more."

"When I first started hanging out with him, I had brown hair. It was short, landing just above my shoulders and then of course I went crazy one night and chopped half of it off," I rambled. "One side of my hair fell to my shoulder, the other was still down my back. I was a mess..."

I didn't correct it until I got out of Volturi either. I don't know why, I just didn't. The hairdo alone earned me some less than positive looks. I remember someone even mentioning that I flaked out in the middle of pulling a Britney Spears.

And that someone wasn't even a classmate, just someone around.

I was pathetic back then...still am, actually.

Edward got a curious look in his eyes, "Did you ever wear pink and blue star pajamas. On the back of the left leg there was doodles in Permanent marker, I think. I can't remember what it was but it was always there...the doodles never changed so..."

I went rigid in my seat and tried to pushed back the panic attack that was threatening to break through.

"I remember during my time at Volturi, a girl that fit your description. She was always in those pink and blue star pajamas and a white tank. Marcus was always glued to her side..."

"You should leave," I told him.

"Huh?"

"You should go, please." I begged, standing from the bed abruptly.

He looked confused, "What did I say?"

"Just go."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I won't bring up that place again...I just...the description matched..."

"It probably wasn't me," I lied.

It was me.

Those pajamas were my favorite because Elle loved them. She was always stealing them and trying to wear them but as I was bigger, they would always fall off. Thos doodles that Edward talked about were in permanent marker but they also once had a trace of sparkly pink nail polish on them. I'd wear them so much, the laundry crew would have to fight me to get them.

It's stupid, I know.

They just meant so much to me.

And then _he_ ruined them.

"Bella?"

"I hate thinking of that place," I whispered. "It was horrible."

"I know," he said, rubbing my arm. I flinched away, remembering a similar action being done by someone else. "I already failed. I keep bringing shit up...Maybe I should go."

"I'm sorry," I said. "Here. This is what I have so far." I shoved my paper in his hands. "It's almost done...let me know what you think tomorrow in class."

Edward nodded and started to pack up his things.

"It's not your fault," I told him.

"Are we cool?" he asked, searching my eyes.

I forced out a tense laugh, "Yeah, we're cool."

* * *

**Review**


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry for any errors you may read.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns twilight, I just play with her characters and put them through interesting and sometimes heartbreaking scenarios.**

* * *

**Bella**

That night, for the first time in God knows how long, the nightmares of_ him_ returned.

I haven't dreamt of him for at least six months. _He_ was one of those bad memories that I had somewhat successfully managed to lock in a safe in the back of my mind.

It rattled occasionally, making me think of it but I was always able to put a stop to it. Thinking of another Elle always helped. I traded one painful memory for others.

The dream was the same as the others had been.

I was back in Volturi hospital, in my tiny barely able to be considered a closet room. It was bare, just as it was when I was there. The only thing that room held was a dark chestnut dresser, a bed, and a desk. There was nothing to make the room personal-no pictures, no posters or artwork.

The walls were a pristine gleaming white as were the floors, making the wall and floor flow together and making it nearly impossible to figure out where one ended and the other began.

The door opens and in streams a single spotlight of light, brightening up my dark room. His silhouette steps in and I push myself back until my back touches the wall.

"N-no," I whimper as _he_ steps in. "Please, Please."

He smiles and turns to shut the door, "I'm only here to help, Isabella."

"No." I cry as he moves closer, unbuttoning the top bottoms of his work uniform.

Just like that night, I fight and I scream at the top of my lungs. He just laughs at me and reminds me that no one can hear me-the walls are too thick.

That doesn't stop me.

He grows tired of my incessant cries and shrills for help and his hand clamps down on my mouth.

"Be a good girl..."

"No, please...please," but it's muffled by his hand. "Help me!"

"Bella!" He calls. "Bella."

The voice is off. It's no longer deep and throaty but soft and velvety. It was a voice that I had come to feel safe when in its owners presence. It was Edward.

Help me, I beg silently.

"Bella."

"Please."

My eyes squeeze shut as the velvety voice fades and a deep sadistic chuckle takes its place.

"That's my good girl. You want this, admit it..."

"Open your eyes, Bella,"

"You know you do."

The voices spoke over each other, overwhelming me and making my head pound frantically. I whimpered and pressed my hands to my ears while simultaneously opening my eyes.

No longer am I in that retched room. I'm back in my bedroom and staring at me, his face just inches from mine is Edward. As I become more aware of my surroundings, I feel his hand stroking my cheek.

The sensation makes me think of him and I scream out once again.

Edward, realizing what he's done, quickly retracted his hand from my face. "Ssh, Bella. It's just me...breathe. Come on, baby, breathe."

He demonstrates even breathing and wills me with his eyes to copy him. I do and soon enough my fast paced-almost hyperventilating breaths- slow to normal.

My head is still pounding and my heart is still fluttering a million miles and hour in my chest but at least I can breathe.

"Bella?" Rosalie yells as her fists pound on my bedroom door. "Bella!"

Edward quickly stands up and bounds into my closet, quietly shutting the door to hide himself just as my door bangs open. Jasper and Rosalie run in, in a panic and look around.

I swallow thickly, "I'm...I'm okay. I just...it...it was a bad dream."

I push my sweaty hair out of my face and avert my gaze so that they can't see the pure terror that lies behind my eyes.

"You were screaming so loud..."

"It's just a dream," I said, forcefully.

Rosalie tightened her robe around herself and sat on the edge of my bed, "Do you want to..."

"No, I don't want to talk about it," I scowled. "It was nothing so don't worry about it."

"How about we watch a movie?" Jasper suggested. "That's how we cured nightmares, Remember?"

I did remember.

Long ago, whenever one of us had a nightmare, we'd wake the others up and watch movies until the dream was forgotten. We lost many nights sleep-especially because Elle so frequently had nightmares-but it was always worth it.

I shook my head, "I'm okay...Tired actually. I just...I just want to go back to sleep."

Rosalie nodded and leaned forward to move my hair behind my ear, "Just call if you need us."

I gave a slight nod and pulled away from her.

The pair of them hesitantly left my room. I could see that they wanted to say-do-more but the look on my face told them that I'd rather be alone.

But I won't.

Edward was out of the closet as soon as the door clicked shut. Ignoring me, he walked over and locked it before joining me on my bed.

I shifted away from him and felt bad almost instantly. The hurt was in his dark jade eyes.

I wish I could tell him it wasn't him but I'm sure that line wouldn't exactly go over well. It's me not you. I couldn't help but want to roll my eyes at myself even though in this scenario it was true.

"Y-you can't just do that," I hissed at him. "You can't just...show up in someone's room."

"I'm sorry," he didn't look it.

"How did you get in here anyway?"

He nodded toward the window. I glanced at it and widened my eyes in surprise. "You scaled my wall to get to me?"

"I used the tree...almost fell on my ass," he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "But I had to see you. You were so upset when I left..."

"It was nothing," I said, dismissively. "Don't do this again, okay? You could've killed me."

I'm honestly surprised I didn't have a heart attack.

He frowned, "I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry. Next time I'll text you or something first."

I nodded, that would be preferred.

"What were you dreaming about?" Edward hesitantly asked. "You were begging for help, pleading..."

"It's just a dream," I said. "Don't pay it any mind...I don't."

"Bella," he frowned and looked thoughtful, amost as if he were trying to chose his words carefully. "Did...did something happen to you while you were at Volturi?"

"You know what that place was like," I whispered, bringing my knees to my chest.

"Yes, I do," he said, darkly. "But...did something more happen? I know that there were rumors about what the orderlies did to the girls..."

"They're just rumors," I quickly snapped.

"You're lying." He accused, glaring at me. In his eyes, I saw pain, anger, and sadness. I didn't like it.

"I think you should go," I said. "Don't make me push you out of it." I said, glancing at the window.

"Did you tell anyone?"

I glowered at him, "Leave."

"He could do it to another girl, Bella."

"Le...leave," my voice broke. "Now."

"You wouldn't have to live in fear. You wouldn't have to dream about what happened over and over again..."

"Stop," I sobbed.

"I know I don't have much experience with rape...or rape victims but I know it helps to know that that asshole is behind bars. He'll never be able to touch you..."

I punched him in the chest in a feeble attempt to get him to shut up. One punch turned into two, two into three, and soon enough I just kept punching him and he fucking let me.

When I finally ran out of the energy, he pulled me as close as possible and squeezed me tightly.

I felt safe, safer than I've ever felt before. His presence made me feel safe but having him touch me-hold me tightly-it was another thing entirely.

"I can't," I whispered. "I can't tell anyone."

"Yes you can." he said. "I'll help you."

I shook my head, "You don't understand. I could be sued for even telling you what happened."

I glanced up at his face and saw he looked confused.

"When...it...happened," I started with a shutter. He tightened his arms around me. I could barely breath but I didn't mind it. "I told. I told Phil and my mom about it when they came to visit. The pulled me out that very day...I was so relieved, y'know? I was finally free of that torture-both the torture that he inflicted and the institution. I would've been find to just walk away and not look back but my parents were not. They threatened to sue-they took me to get a rape kit done and everything but once Aro caught wind of it, he offered my parents a large settlement for our silence. It was a lot of money...and after signing a non disclosure agreement, they took it."

"W...what? I don't...Are you saying that those fuck ups you call parents..."

"Yes."

"What the fuck!" Edward bellowed.

"Quiet," I hushed.

"That's sick!"

It was.

But when I first found out about it, I didn't put up a fight. I felt sickened by what they had done but I was numb, fragile-both emotionally and physically. I didn't have it in me to fight.

Of course I didn't find out all the details until a few odd weeks later. My mom told me that they handled it and I trusted them. Did I think they would do something like that? Never but people change when drastic things happen.

When I found out about the money and the agreement, I told them that I was going to the cops. But my mom told me that I'd look like a fool, a loony. She then showed me why. Volturi documented the settlement so that it wouldn't come back to bite them in the ass.

The reason for the half a million dollars was because one of the orderlies gave me the wrong medications on accident. Those medications just so happened to give me ill effects-one of the effects being hallucinations.

So even if I tried to break my silence, no one would believe me.

I was drugged up on the wrong medications and assumed that someone was trying to get handsy with me.

"Isn't that child endangerment or some shit?" Edward asked. "We can talk to Esme."

"No!" I pleaded. "Please don't tell anyone, please..."

"Bella..." Edward groaned, looking torn.

"I can't believe I told you," I pushed him away from me-almost instantly I felt the panic start to seep in. "I'm going to get in so much trouble if this gets out. You don't understand how bad it'll be for me..."

"You were raped, you're the victim here, Bella."

"According to records, being given the wrong medication gave me hallucinations," I told him. "So..."

He cursed, "They'll think the medicine made you dream up the rape."

I nodded, curling in on myself. "The Volturi are evil, Edward. If they find out I broke the agreement...I don't think I'll just have to worry about jailtime."

What if they tried to hurt me?

I honestly wouldn't put it past them.

That's what they did from day one. They used evil practices-practices that were banned in many hospitals. Kids left in body bags sometimes, that's how bad it is there.

Yet no one raises an eyebrow because only the lowest of the low are admitted. Who would believe a runaway teenage with a drug problem or a teenage thug with anger issues?

Besides, not many left once admitted.

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	18. Chapter 18

**So, it's BPOV again. Originally I wrote it as one big chapter but it got up to sixteen thousand words so I split it up. You'll hear from Edward again, I promise. Sorry for any errors you may read.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns twilight, I just play with her characters and put them through interesting and sometimes heartbreaking scenarios.**

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**Bella**

"Esme can help you," Edward continued. "Or maybe even your brother. Isn't he studying law? He could find a loophole."

"There isn't going to be one," I said, tightening my hold on him. "It basically says to keep my mouth shut or there will be consequences. Can you see a loophole in that?"

Edward sighed, "I can't but there is always a loophole. We'll find one, I promise. Do you have a copy of the contract? I can take it to my parents old lawyer..."

"Just leave it alone, please."

He grabbed my chin and made me look at him, "How do you expect to heal without some type of closure, Bella?"

"I am healing," I said. Though I couldn't be sure if I was telling the truth or a lie. "You're the closest I've ever been to a guy after...it happened. I use to get physically ill when someone would touch me or sneak up on me. Every touch reminded me of what he did."

"I never should've snuck in here," Edward sighed. "I'm sorry. If I would've known..."

I nodded, already forgiving him for it, and leaned my head against his chest. I could hear his heart beating wildly in his chest, it was oddly calming. No surprise there though. Edward oozed calm-at least to me he did. "Can you hold me tighter?" I asked.

He squeezed me.

"Thank you," I yawned. "Please don't leave."

"I'll be here," he promised as my eyes started to flutter. I didn't want to go to sleep but I felt emotionally drained. Edward started humming something-it was low and soft; almost like a lullaby without any words.

My lids grew heavier before they I finally succumbed to my sleepiness.

I didn't dream of_ him_ anymore that night which was odd considering when that memory safe was open, it was a nightmare that occurred every time I closed my eyes.

I think I knew that I was safe with Edward there. He wouldn't let anything hurt me-dream or reality. It almost brought on a panic thinking about when I wouldn't have him sleeping beside me.

But I swallowed it back down and decided to take it by the day-as I always do.

Come morning, I was surprised that he was still here but he was. Sometime during the night he removed his shoes and moved us under my purple comforter. He was flat on his back while I was pretty much on top of him. He didn't seem to mind though. His arms were securely wrapped around me, even in his sleep.

I panicked for a moment as I stared up at him.

Not because he was touching me-I was pretty much over that now-but because I had blabbed. And now the future was uncertain for me.

I wish I knew for sure that Edward would just drop it but I didn't. He wanted to help me but this wasn't one of those things that could be helped. It was one of those things that everyone just needed to forget about and move on with their lives.

What did I open my mouth? Despite not being happy about my unknown future, I wasn't unhappy about finally telling someone...someone who cared...about what happened.

"Bella?" Rosalie knocked. "I made breakfast."

"I..." My voice sounded horrible-raspy. "I'll be down in a minute," I continued, clearing my throat.

"Okay."

I tried to wiggle myself out of Edward's death grip. Not only did we have to get up and get ready to go to school but I had to pee, badly. I managed to slip out of his grip a little bit but he sensed it and rolled closer, pulling me flush against his body and burying his face in my hair.

I giggled.

"Edward," I whispered, poking his nose. "Edward, wake up."

He grunted, "No."

"We have an hour before we need to be at school," I told him as I continued squirming.

"Let's skip."

"I have grades to maintain," I said.

He sighed and relaxed his arms, finally letting me free.

"Something smells good."

"Rosalie's a good cook from time to time," I responded as I went to my closet to find something to wear. "Want to stay for breakfast?"

"You sure you want to explain this?" he gestured between the two of us. "To your siblings."

I rolled my eyes, "If they have a problem they can just bite me."

"Alright, I'll stay."

"Good," I said, smiling. "Stay here while I go change?"

"Yes, Ma'am," he murmured before rolling over and burying himself in my covers.

I pondered the look Edward had given me while I cleaned up in the bathroom.

It wasn't a bad look-in fact, it wasn't any different then the looks he's given me the days prior. I would've thought that once he found out about what happened, he'd look at me in disgust or even give me the looks of pity that I use to receive after Elle's death.

Maybe he believes what I said was a dream. Doubtful but a girl could hope. If he thinks he dreamed it up, he won't bring it up again and that was just fine with me.

Talking about it once was enough. Something tells me that he won't let me off that easily though.

Sighing, I pulled on my black jeans and then tossed on my long sleeve blue sweater. I've taken to wearing long sleeves a lot more nowadays. I noticed that when I wear something with short sleeves, the kids at my school stare at my arms more as if expecting to see hundreds of cut marks.

The only cut marks I have are from my failed attempt at killing myself. I still had an ugly mark to show off-and always will-so long sleeves were a blessing.

Plus, it's Forks. It's not exactly the warmest place in the world.

After tying my hair up in a messy bun, I returned to my room. Edward was up, looking much more awake and alive, and pulling on his shoes.

"My parents are already gone." He made a face when I mentioned them. He definitely hasn't forgotten. "So, we just have to worry about Rosalie and Jasper which..." I rolled my eyes. "Honestly, who gives a fuck what they think?"

"Jasper likes me," Edward said, confidently. "It's just Rosalie."

"She's more bark than bite," I said, grabbing my bag. I held out my hand for Edward and he smiled and took it.

We left my bedroom and wouldn't you know it, we ran right into Rosalie. Her eyes flared with fire when she saw Edward. I ignored her-nothing uncommon there- and tugged Edward downstairs.

Jasper was sitting at the table, reading the paper and eating his pancakes. He looked up and smiled at us, "Edward? What are you doing here this early?"

"He spent the night," Rosalie growled sourly. "That's inappropriate, Bella."

"When did you become my mom again?" I asked, sarcastically as I downed my medicines.

"When the real thing decided not to care."

I laughed humorlessly, "That's rich considering you two are in the same boat."

"I care."

My anger flared, "That's why you left me while I was still in the hospital, right? That's why you never called or even fucking wrote me. You're unbelievable. I get that you feel guilty for what I did but it's over. You can go back to New York and live your perfect little life. I don't need you here."

"Bella, wait!" Rosalie called as I ran out.

"I have school," I called over my shoulder.

"We're having a discussion after school," Rosalie sighed. "A private one." she said as her eyes danced over to Edward.

I rolled my eyes but didn't respond. It just so happens that I have plans after school...at least I do now. I wonder how Edward will feel about doing the project at his place instead of mine.

Edward was hot on my heels. He didn't comment as we unlocked his car nor did he comment as we drove toward his place.

For once, I was thankful for the silence.

I was fuming and feared that I would lash out at him if he tried to sell me the 'They care' bullshit too.

Caring isn't caring just because you say you care. Caring is showing someone with actions-not just words. I've known Edward for less time then I've known them and yet he shows how much he cares about me on a daily basis.

Sure Rosalie and Jasper are back now but that doesn't make up for the past...not by a long shot.

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	19. Chapter 19

******Disclaimer: SM owns twilight, I just play with her characters and put them through interesting and sometimes heartbreaking scenarios.**

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**Bella**

School was school.

It was as boring as ever and yet relatively calm at the same time. Lauren's sudden suspension was reason for that. From what I hear, she received a week for breaking my wrist and she might receive assault charges-which was news to me since I never filed a police report.

It's hard to tell what's the truth and what's a lie. There was so much going around about what happened to her that it was headache inducing.

However, I did know that she was suspend since Mr. Banner told me so himself but the assault charges are a big question mark.

I wasn't looking forward to her return either but I decided to bask in her absence and deal with it when she returns.

At lunch, Alice joined Edward and I outside. It was getting colder-being late October and all- but it was nice. The usual silence was filled with a hundred words a minute commentary from Alice. Edward, who I'm sure is use to it by now, ignored her and tried to get me to eat some pizza.

I wasn't hungry so I didn't bother buying a lunch. That didn't sit well with Edward.

It was annoying yet flattering at the same time.

"Eat," he begged. "Just a bite." He pushed the greasy food to my lips. I rolled my eyes at him and took a big bite to appease him.

"I don't have a disorder, Edward." I muttered. "Well, at least not an eating disorder. I'm just not hungry."

"You're too skinny," he whined. "We need to fatten you up a bit."

"Edward!" Alice scolded. "Don't ever say something like that to a girl. It's insulting. I think you look great."

I glanced down at myself and grimaced, "Thanks."

"I'm serious," Alice said. "Tell her, Edward."

"You know I think you're beautiful, right?" Edward asked as his smoldering eyes met mine.

My cheeks flamed as I dragged my bottom lip between my teeth, "I do now."

"You don't see yourself very clearly," Alice said, thoughtfully.

"It's not that I don't," I disagreed. "I know I'm not ugly. I'm average."

"You're not average," Edward scuffed as if I had offended him in some way.

"Here we go," Alice grumbled. "I'm going to go get a pudding cup. Want anything?"

"No thanks," I said, not taking my eyes off of Edward.

"You're not average," he said as he reached up to tuck my purple strands behind my ear. "You're incredibly beautiful albeit unique but that's what makes you so incredible."

"Are you feeling okay?" I asked, feeling his head. "You've gone soft on me, Masen."

"I have a soft spot for those I care about," he told me with a roll of his eyes. "You should know that by now."

"I've come to realize that," I confirmed.

Edward Masen was special, very special. He was damaged in similar ways that I was but unlike me, he overcame it. Sure, he's got a harder exterior but it's to make sure that nothing can damage him the way his mother had.

Beneath that hard shell, Edward is the sweetest and most caring person you could ever meet.

I like both versions of Edward. I like the cocky, headstrong, bad boy and I like the sweet, romancer.

"Did you two kiss yet or should I go buy another pudding cup?" Alice asked.

I hadn't realized that Edward and I were leaning close to each other. I jerked back with a blush and stole his pizza off his tray.

"Alice," Edward grumbled.

"I'll go..."

"No, it's fine," I said. "Sit."

She eyed us thoughtfully before sighing and taking a seat.

After lunch, Edward and I walked to biology silently-we were still receiving many surprised looks for our fellow peers. Edward paid them no mind but I blushed and looked down at my ratty chucks.

I tried my best to block out the whispers but they've become much louder as of late. With Edward around, I'm just more aware of my surroundings and I didn't like it.

I liked being in the dark.

Ignorance is bliss...or so I hear.

Edward has still not brought up my late night confession but I could see that he's been deep in thought throughout the day. I wasn't going to assume he was thinking about me but I had a hunch.

Since we were nearly done with our project, we didn't have much to do in biology but sit there. Edward was lost in thought so I took out my sketch book to doodle. I haven't had the motivation to sketch anything but I figured a couple lazy sketches might take me off the edge.

Before the bell rang, and after Mr. Banner told everyone to pack up, Stacey Miller approached our table to ask Edward out. Several of her friends were giggling at the table just a few feet away as they watched their friend movement for movement.

I couldn't help but compare myself to her.

She was very pretty, that's for sure. She was blonde with big green eyes, she was tall and skinny yet had curves in all the right places. Not to mention she had big boobs. She was everything a guy could want...everything I also wasn't.

Who would ever want someone like me on a romantic level? Not only did I come with a shitload of emotional baggage...I wasn't anything amazing to look at.

Edward may have called me beautiful but I've heard him tell Alice that when she was complaining about looking ugly.

"Hey, Masen," Stacey smiled, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger. I noticed that she pushed her chest out a bit more which did catch Edward's attention-mainly because they were nearly pressed against his face at that point.

I looked down at myself. I had a handful of boobs, that's it. Although, I didn't mind it.

"Can I help you?" Edward replied, sourly.

"Well...I was wondering if you'd like to go to a party with me tonight. There's this killer bonfire down in La Push and well...everyone will be there...You heard of it, right?"

Edward gave a stiff nod.

"So, what do you think? Would you like to go with me?"

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, trying to gauge his reaction, while I held my breath.

"Fuck no."

Stacey pouted and I tried not to smile, "Why?"

"I don't need to give you a fucking reason, now do I?"

And there, my friends, is assholeward. He's still a favorite of mine, surprisingly enough. Sometimes I almost prefer him over sweetward.

Shocker, right?

"You don't have to be a dick about it," she huffed before stomping away. It was amusing to watch her friends go from giggling to glaring as they stared at Edward.

"We could reschedule our plans," I told him. It was hard to do because I didn't want him to go out with her but he deserved to have fun so I would just have to deal. "I don't mind, I promise."

"I'd rather chill with you," he said, stretching. "We can listen to music and get high."

I smiled, "Sounds like a plan."

After school, we drove Alice and her friend-a girl whose name escapes me- to the diner before we headed back to the Cullen home...excuse me, the Cullen Mansion.

I've never been though I've heard about it in passing.

The house was nearly a hundred years old but you would never tell by looking at it. The three-story home in the woods looked like it was just a few months old rather than years.

Esme sure takes amazing care of it, that's for sure.

"Want a drink?" Edward asked as we stepped into the foyer. I marveled at the beauty of the smell entry way. Even in this small space it ooze elegance and beauty-much like the Cullen's themselves. "Bella?"

"Hmm?" I hummed.

"Would you like something to drink?" he asked as he led me into the kitchen.

"Um, what do you have?"

"Only about sixty different types of water, every soda ever made, wine coolers, champagne, and I think we might even have some juice boxes in the pantry."

I laughed, "Wow."

"Esme is awesome," he explained, chuckling.

"I'll take a water...any kind," I said before he could list them all.

Edward nodded and grabbed a couple from the fridge. He also grabbed an armful of snacks before me made the trek up to his bedroom.

On the way, I admired the house. Whoever designed this place put a lot of work in it. From the floor to the ceiling-everything had a design and a purpose. Nothing was placed just for the sake of being placed there.

The walls that joined the staircase were covered in pictures. There were quite a few of those cheesy couple pictures done but the rest were pictures of Esme, and sometimes Carlisle, with different foster kids.

I recognized a few of them. I had been friends with a few of them when I was younger. All of them left eventually, whether it be turning of age or other reasons...they took off.

I wonder how Esme felt about it. She welcomed them into her home and I'm sure bonded with them on some level. It must be hard to see them leave.

Edward's room was a lot less...elegant then the others. Though his room was just as vast as the rest of them, it pretty much oozed teenage boy. Clothes were strewn about, food wrappers, his bed was unmade and there were numerous band posters and stickers stapled to the wall.

I had to laugh as Edward awkwardly swiped stuff off the leather recliner and deposited the food.

"Sorry about the mess," he said, taking of his jacket.

"It's fine," I said, glancing out his balcony. He had an incredible view. I wish I had a nice view like this. The most I get is Mr. Garrett's room, it's not exactly a nice view but it's all I've got.

Although since Mr. Garrett is a perv, I tend to keep my window shut and my shades drawn.

I shuttered just thinking about it.

"So, you mentioned drugs?"

"Yup," Edward knelt down beside his mattress and fished a baggy out. "Carlisle does checks for this shit. Still hasn't figured to check under the mattress though."

"Must be because you look to lazy to do that," I teased.

Edward snorted, "Probably."

Edward passed me the baggy and went to open up his balcony doors. I moved closer, figuring he didn't want the smell to linger when Carlisle and Esme got home.

We were quiet as we passed the joint back and forth and it was oddly irritating. I wanted to know what he was thinking-what he had been thinking all day.

"You haven't questioned me once today," I mused.

"Miss it?" he smirked.

"No...yes...I don't know," I admitted with a huff. "I guess I've just grown use to the hundred questions an hour."

"I asked you a ton of questions when you ditched second hour with me."

That he did. We both decided to skip second hour. It wasn't my idea but Edward didn't feel like attending gym and didn't want to be alone for the hour so he pulled me out with him.

We shared a cigarette and listened to music in his car while he did indeed question me...but not about my past, not about my admission. He asked about silly stuff like my favorite flower and my favorite color.

"But not about...you know," I trailed off, looking away. "Whenever I gave you an inch, you drill until you get more."

"I'm a hypocrite, aren't I?" he grumbled. "I hate it when people constantly question me and yet I do it to you all the time."

"You just want to shoulder my pain," I told him. "You're that type of person. If someone you care about is hurt, you blame yourself and try to shoulder their pain. You like being haunted by their ghosts so they know they're not alone."

"Huh," he hummed, staring into space. "I never noticed that."

"I have...which is why I haven't kicked your ass yet," I said. "I use to be like that too so don't be hard on yourself."

"What changed?"

"Volturi," I spat it out like it was a dirty word. "I went through so much there...shouldering any more would've killed me. I'm at my breaking point enough as it is, y'know?" I sighed. "I use to take the emotional beatings from my parents in silence because I knew that I deserved it and they that was the only way they would feel better..."

"That's not true." Edward said. "You're parents deserve an ass kicking-thee ass kicking of a century."

"They hurt too," I explained. "I'm sure they're angry...they were so busy before...before Elle died and when she was gone they regretted the lost time."

"If my daughter died and I had other kids left, I'd cherish them like they were all I had in the world. I wouldn't treat them like Phil and Renee treat you."

"Everyone's different," I whispered.

"Did either of your parents receive therapy after Elle died?" Edward asked.

"Not unless you count alcohol therapy as a valid form of therapy."

My mom started drinking after my father passed but it wasn't nearly as bad until Elle's sudden death. That's when she started to drink until she couldn't stand up and pass out in her own vomit. She was drunk the day she signed me out of the hospital and again on the day that she dropped me off at Volturi.

Only when she was completely sober did I have to worry because something is wrong then.

To be honest, I use to like her drunk. She use to be a sweet drunk, a silly one. She'd revert back to my nurturing mother for a short time but as time wears on and it gets worse, the mom I once knew and loved slips away and is replaced with the cold vacant one.

Edward chuckled darkly, "I use to believe it was."

"And now?"

"To each his own," he shrugged. "It works for some but it doesn't for others."

"Are you in a valid therapy now?" I asked.

"Twice a week with Esme," he nodded.

"Are you on any medications?"

"Nope."

I frowned. "How can you be so...so..." I gestured to him, at loss for words. "I don't know...you seem normal. I mean yeah, you're an asshole but so is ninety percent of the population out there-and not everyone has a reason to be."

"I already told you, I've had years to come to terms with shit. What happened with my mom was unfortunate but it happened-it would've happened regardless of what I said or did. I stopped blaming myself for it long ago." Edward told me. "And Esme...Esme's a Godsend. She deserves a fucking medal. She puts everything into an even better perspective...I'm healing here."

"She's pretty good," I admitted.

Although I don't cooperate with her all that often, she was nice and she truly wanted to help. I was just terrified of opening up to her.

"She just wants to help you," he said, softly. "If you told her about what Marcus..."

"Don't say his name," I hissed as my body went rigid.

"If you told her what happened at Volturi, she could help. She'd find a loophole, you could get justice."

"I can't get shit," I snapped, standing up. "Why can't you understand that? They'll pull the records and show the proof that it was all the meds. I'll look like some pathetic little liar."

"What reason would you have for coming forward? You gain nothing...in fact, they'd see you'd risk a lot by breaking the agreement."

"That doesn't change the fact that people hallucinate shit like that on drugs," I said. "It's not farfetched. The judge, the jury..it would be dismissed in a second. I have no rape kit, no witness..."

"I thought you did have a rape kit done."

"I was taken to the hospital but I'm assuming it was destroyed. My doctor that night froze up when my mom rambled on and on about where I had been raped. He worked with them-In fact, I think he was Aro's brother in law or something like that."

"What about M...him? Is he still there?"

"He was fired."

Numerous parents had filed complaints to have him removed after they heard about him giving out the wrong medication. Yes, it was false but he got what he deserved.

For a while, I was scared shitless that he would come after me and blame me but he never did and soon, I forgot-or as close to forgetting as I'd ever come.

That was one of the reasons that I was able to keep my silence. No one else would get hurt because I didn't tell on him. Those innocent girls were safe now that he was gone.

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**Review :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**********Also, I recommend listening to the song 'Beautiful' by Trading Yesterday. I listen to a lot of their songs while writing this fic so I'm going to start-if I remember to link you to them in the beginning of each chapter.**

**********Disclaimer: SM owns twilight, I just play with her characters and put them through interesting and sometimes heartbreaking scenarios.**

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**Bella**

We both stared each other down, both of our eyes pleading with each other to see reason. I wasn't backing down though. This was my life, I was in charge of what I wanted to do with it and if I didn't want to break my silence and end up back in a mental home, or jail, that's how it would be.

"Who all knows the truth?" Edward asked.

"Just drop it, please...It'll never sway in my favor. Why should I be put through that?"

"Because you deserve closure!"

"I won't get it!" I yelled back. "Just leave it." I grabbed my bag and stormed toward the door.

"Wait," he grabbed me. "I'm sorry, don't go."

My shoulder slumped and I dropped my bag, "Please, Edward. Do you know how I'll be looked at if I accuse something like that?"

"I'm going to find a way," he vowed.

"I wish you wouldn't." I sighed, glancing around his room. My eyes landed on his music. I'm not just talking about one or two shelves of CDS, I'm talking about the whole wall is covered in bookcases but instead of books, it'll lined with albums. "You have a lot of music."

Edward sighed too and dropped the subject, "I love music."

"What's your favorite?" I asked, touching some old records.

"I have way too many to count."

"What's your favorite genre?"

"Anything but rap."

"Even country?" I asked, surprised.

"It's not bad," he shrugged.

"What were you listening to last?" I asked, pressing play on his CD player. I cocked my head as the all to formal lyrics filled the room. "Trading Yesterday?"

"That's Alice's," he blushed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I like them," I said. "They're amazing."

"They have a few songs," he allowed.

I smiled and hummed along, "_At night, I dream-that you were sent to me from heaven. Cause my life it seems, so lonely here without your presence. Change my everyday and I could never think of love without your name_."

Beautiful was one of my favorite songs.

Elle use to love it, too.

I felt a pang of sadness but quickly pushed it away.

"May I have this dance?" Edward asked, holding his hand out.

I nibbled on my bottom lip, "I don't dance."

"It's all in the leading," he said, pulling me close. "I could put you on my feet if you'd like."

I laughed, "My dad used to do that."

Edward lifted me up, placed me on his feet, and started swaying us back and forth.

I was smiling like crazy. "You're a great dancer."

"My mom taught me," he chuckled. "I used to be her little dance partner when dad was working. She was a danceaholic, even worse than Alice. In fact, I think Alice inherited her love to dance from the both of our parents."

"My dad loved to dance," I said, leaning my head on his shoulder. "If the radio was on and his favorite song came on, he'd grab the closest person-even if it was Jasper- and dance along."

I laughed remembering my brother's face.

"And yet you can't dance..."

"I'm clumsy, always have been." I explained. "My mom put me in Ballet hoping it would improve my balance but if anything it made it worse. I remember during one of my recitals, I spun to close to the edge of the stage and fell off."

Edward laughed so hard he snorted.

"I was so embarrassed, I never went back after that."

"Please tell me someone got that on tape."

"Rosalie did, she used to play it," I said. "For a week straight that's all she watched, no joke."

"I need to see it."

"Not unless I see an embarrassing video of you," I said. "Tit for Tat."

"There isn't a video but when I was in fourth grade, we had a fire drill while I was in the bathroom and I was so scared, I didn't bother pulling up my pants. I just ran. I fell out of the bathroom and was trampled by about thirty kids."

"Ouch," I laughed.

"I was just embarrassed, not hurt. Well, not that much," he admitted. "Now can I see the video?"

"Maybe. I burned all my copies but Rosalie might still have hers."

"I must get on her goodside," Edward said. "Although, I don't know how easy that will be after this morning."

"I'm sorry about that," I said. "She's just..."

"A worried big sister?"

"Well...She's trying to be for some reason," I sighed.

Our conversations stopped at the reminder of Rosalie. I'm sure Edward didn't want to upset me so he let it go and just continued to sway us around his room.

Honestly, nothing could knock me off the cloud I was riding right now. I was happy-which was starting to become a reoccurring emotion these days- and I felt safe. If I could be stuck in this moment forever, I'd be over the moon.

And if I thought the moment couldn't get better, it did.

"_Beautiful." _Edward sang, catching my attention_. "Like the summer rain to wash away the winter stain." _He had an amazing singing voice_. "Like the morning sun inviting the dawn to break. Beautiful. Like the joy that comes when the love you've longed for has just begun. Making everything brand new...beautiful you." _He finished staring into my eyes.

"I...I didn't know you could sing," I whispered.

"Was it horrible?" he asked, grimacing. "Is that why you're crying?"

I quickly swiped my cheeks and averted my gaze, "No, you sound amazing...perfect."

He wiped under my eyes, "What's wrong?"

I cleared my throat, "Nothing," I smiled. "I'm fine." I lay my head back on his shoulder and breathed him in.

"Bella..."

"Hmm?" I hummed.

"Go out with me?" he asked.

I stiffened, "What?"

"Will you go out with me? We can go get dinner and see a shitty Romcom."

"You want to go out...with me?"

"Yeah." he confirmed.

I frowned, "Why?"

He rolled his eyes, "Because I like you...a lot. You're funny, witty, beautiful..."

"Hardly,"

"You don't see yourself very clearly," he said, frowning. "You're gorgeous, Bella. When you're around, no one else exists. Your beauty is blinding but don't think that's why I want you. I've never met anyone as amazing. I've never felt a connection with someone I could talk to, confide in, someone whose not afraid to call me out on being an asshole, hell someone who encourages it from time to time.."

Don't cry, Bella. I chanted to myself. Don't cry.

"Yes," I breathed out.

"Awesome," Edward beamed. I've never seen him so happy. "How does tomorrow at seven sound?"

"Amazing."

This was a dream, wasn't it? In a few short minutes, I'd wake up and none of this will have happened.

Oddly enough, I'll take it. Even if this was just a dream, it was the best I've ever had.

So I went with it.

I let Edward continue to spin us around the room as we listened to the trading yesterday album on repeat and just relished in the feelings.

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	21. Chapter 21

**************Disclaimer: SM owns twilight, I just play with her characters and put them through interesting and sometimes heartbreaking scenarios.**

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**Bella**

Definitely not a dream.

Somehow.

What in the...I don't even know what to think, or how to process anything that happened in the last five hours.

I closed the front door behind myself and planted my back on it.

I think...Edward Masen asked me out.

Could it seriously be true?

Even after all my emotional garbage had been revealed, he still wants someone like me? He must be nuts but then again so am I.

Edward Masen asked me out!

It makes no sense but why would I look a gift horse in the mouth?

I squealed-something I never do- and bounced in place.

"Bella? Is that you?" Rosalie called out. "Jesus," she moaned as she caught me in the foyer. "Did you know how worried we were? You never came home..."

"I was at Edward's," I replied calmly. "We had a project to finish."

"And you couldn't pick up a phone and call?" she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.

"It slipped my mind, sorry," I said, heading into the kitchen to grab something to eat. Both my parents and Jasper were seated at the kitchen table. None of them were looking at each other-in fact Jasper and Phil were buried in their laptops while my mom was nursing some beer.

"Just don't do it again, you nearly gave us a heart attack."

"That's rich," I snorted. "You never cared before and suddenly you do. What gives?"

"We've always cared," Jasper said, frowning. "You're our sister."

"Well, you've sure treated me like one for the last three years," I spat.

"Now now, Bella," Phil said, distantly.

"What are you talking about?" Rosalie asked.

"You know what I'm talking about," I yelled. "Ever since Elle died..."

"Hey!" Mom yelled.

"Ever since she died, you haven't been there. You left me before I ever woke up, you never wrote me, or called me. You didn't care so why start now?"

"We were there until three days before you woke up," Jasper whispered.

"Liar," I spat.

"Didn't you tell her?" Rosalie demanded.

"It wasn't important." Mom said, waving her away.

"Tell me what?"

"They were going to pull the plug on you, Bella. You weren't getting better. The doctor even said that you're going downhill. For months it was like that, up and then down, up and then down. After four months, the doctor didn't think you had a good chance of surviving. So Mom and Phil decided they would take you off life support," Rosalie sobbed. "We couldn't be there to watch you go. We just lost Elle and now we were losing you too."

"You told me they left when Jasper got out of the hospital," I whispered, staring at Phil and mom.

"Bullshit," Jasper spat.

"So, we overlooked something." Phil shrugged. "It's not the end of the world."

"W-what about when I woke up?" I demanded

"We didn't know you woke up until two weeks after the fact. We were so ready to jump on a plane but mom told us not to. They said they told you what happened and you freaked out. They said you were on your way to Volturi. We looked it up, that place had nothing but the best recommendations...Kids were healing and coming out better..." I chuckled humorlessly. "We didn't object. We called though. We called the hospital and asked to speak with you and they told us that during intake, you weren't allowed any calls or visitors-it was to get you better settled."

"We accepted that," Jasper said. "But we did write. A letter a day, from each of us. And we mailed them. We never got a response from you and soon the letters started being returned. We thought you didn't want to speak to us."

Rosalie nodded, "Up until last week, we thought you were still at Volturi."

"You never told them I left?" I asked.

"They never asked."

"We ask how she's doing every Friday," Rosalie growled. "We call the sometime every week for an update and they tell us you're fine."

"You liars," I yelled, throwing my soda at Phil.

"Hey! Watch it." he fumed.

"You told me they never called," I cried. "That they didn't care."

I believed them...

"Of course we care," Rosalie sniffled. "You're our little sister. You mean the world to us."

I glared at my parents, "How could you keep this from me?"

"We didn't want you to intrude on their lives," Mom slurred. "You've been nothing but pathetic since you were released from the hospital. You would've ruined everything they were trying to accomplish. You're a selfish little bit..."

SMACK!

I gaped at Rosalie.

"She wouldn't have ruined anything," Rosalie fumed. "If we would've known she would've been treated like this...we would've taken her to New York with us."

"How dare you hit me in my own home?" Mom raged. "Phil."

Phil was back to typing on his computer, ignoring us.

"You fucking coward," Mom spat. "You've always been."

She punched his shoulder before she stomped out of the house. Phil sighed and closed his laptop.

"Why?" I demanded. "Why keep it from me?"

"Your mother was right, in a way. Rosalie and Jasper, you two were in college-you were doing well, making names for yourselves. Bella...you have issues, issues that require twenty-four seven attention. We couldn't do that to them and we know that if you knew, you would've ran to them."

"I wouldn't have those twenty-four seven issues if I had them," I glared. "Some could have been avoided."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, gathering up his things. "And you don't either."

"What's she talking about?" Jasper asked.

"Nothing," Phil said. "I suggest you head to bed, Bella."

"Of course," I replied sarcastically. "I'll just go to bed so that my mouth stays shut. Wouldn't want my, I mean your, dirty laundry to air..." I grabbed my bag and stomped upstairs to my room.

I can't believe Renee and Phil.

They lied to me.

They told me that Jasper and Rosalie never ask about me, never call, and never write me. I believed them, how could I not? I was locked up in a mental institute with no way to contact the outside world.

It wasn't surprising that no phone calls went through, no minors received that privilege. You got visits twice a month and only under heavy supervision. They didn't want anything unsavory to slip from patients lips.

The only reason my parents found out was because my guard that day wasn't paying attention-instead she was checking out one of the other orderly so I quickly leaned across the table and told them.

I was pulled from that place that day.

And I was taken to the hospital for a rape kit, for evidence, but like I said once the doctor figured out who it was that I was accusing-he left and never returned, taking the kit with him.

The next day my parents received a call from Aro Volturi himself, requesting a meeting.

I remember being so out of it after I was released. I was happy but I was also scared beyond belief.

I never asked about Rosalie and Jasper and my parents never brought them up. I just assumed that they had forgotten me and were living happily in New York.

Never did I believe that they had actually been there, not directly but as best as they could.

What else was a lie?

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	22. Chapter 22

******************Long time no update :/ Sorry about that. I'm trying to get better at it but with school starting in just a few weeks, I don't know how on top of it I'll be. Hopefully I'll have time for both but ya never know. **

******************Disclaimer: SM owns twilight, I just play with her characters and put them through interesting and sometimes heartbreaking scenarios.**

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**Bella**

I wasn't able to dwell in my thoughts too much. A knock on my door startled me. I yelled for whoever it was to come in and was surprised to see both of my siblings.

Jasper had a bowl of popcorn while Rosalie had a handful of movies. They wanted to do a movie night with me.

For the first time, I smiled at them and easily agreed.

Sibling movie night used to be my favorite.

I gathered up my blankets and a pillow and headed back downstairs. Tonight's movie of choice was the entire harry potter series. It was going to be a long night but Rosalie gave me permission to ditch school-according to her it's healthy every once and a while.

So that's what we did.

We pigged out and geeked out on harry potter. I think I fell asleep around four in the morning, slumped against Rosalie.

When I woke, it was nearing one in the afternoon. Rosalie was snoring beside me but Jasper was missing-I figured he was in the kitchen because that's where the mouthwatering smells were coming from.

I detangled myself from Rosalie and went to grab some food.

"Good Morning," Jasper greeted, waving the spatula in my direction.

"Good Morning," I smiled, taking a seat. "What's for breakfast?" I asked, swallowing my pills.

"I'm afraid no one has gone shopping in a while so it's just eggs and potatoes."

"Sounds good to me," I shrugged, my stomach grumbling. "Do you have anyone special back in New York like Rosalie does?"

"I have a dog," Jasper chuckled. "Other than that no. College has taken up a lot of my time. I believe that studying law is even worse. I barely have time to sleep."

"Right, you studying law..." I mused. "How far have you gotten into it?"

"Well, I take summer classes too," he said. "So I condensed a four years into two."

"You graduated?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah but I still have two years of law school left."

"Oh."

I was sad that I missed my brother's college graduation. It wasn't my fault though. I was my stupid fucking parents, if you can even call them that, fault.

They ruined everything.

"Where do you go?" I asked.

"Columbia University," he said. "Worked my ass off to get in there."

I nodded. "So, have you studied legal binding contracts yet?"

"A bit," he nodded. "Why?"

"Just wondering," I chickened out. "So, Rosalie's fiancé...what's he like?"

Jasper chuckled, "Emmett is a big teddy bear, literally. He looks like a bodybuilder- he's got huge muscles- but he isn't scary looking like some can be. He's a jokester-he can't stand to be serious but he will be given the situation."

"He sounds nice."

"You'll meet him," Rose said. "He plans to fly out for thanksgiving."

"Aren't you two going home anytime soon?"

"Not for a while,"

"What about school?" I asked.

"Online schooling is available," Jasper said. "We're not just going to leave you, Bells. We made that mistake once...we won't do it again."

"Unless...you want to come with us," Rosalie offered. "New York is lovely. I think you'd like the hussle bussle of the city."

"A change of scenery would be nice," I mused before shaking my head. "But I have friends here...friends that I just made. I don't want to lose them yet."

"Is one of those friends, Edward Masen?"

I smiled, "Yes but he might be more soon."

"Watch out for him."

"He's not bad, give him a chance Rosalie. He's...he's a lot like me-only way better. He knows me like no one does."

"Are you two having s..."

"No!" I growled.

"I'm just asking," Rosalie sighed, backing off. "I suppose I can give him a chance. He is cute."

"Cute?" I wrinkled my nose. It didn't fit him at all. Hot was more like it.

"Okay, he's dreamy," Rosalie giggled. "That tatts are awesome. Are you sure he's seventeen?"

"I'm seventeen," I said. "Look at me."

Rosalie eyed the visible ink on me, "What's with all the tattoos? I've been meaning to ask...I just haven't."

"They're addicting," I shrugged. "And they all mean something to me."

Rosalie flipped my hand over so that she could admire the ink on my wrist. "Yeah, I know."

"She use to tell me that all the time," I whispered.

"I know." Rose smiled. "It started after Jasper got her really into astronomy."

Jasper glanced at my tattoo and smiled, "Oh, yeah."

"I have her name on me too," I said, turning around and lifting my hair. I got it on the back of my neck so that I wouldn't see it but I'd always have it.

"How much ink do you have?"

"Eleven tattoos so far," I said. "I plan to get more."

"Where?" Rosalie asked. "I feel like you've got a lot of skin already covered."

"I still have my left side," I said, gesturing to my rib area.

"How many piercings do you have?" Rosalie asked.

"Two, I use to have more but I didn't like my viper bites anymore."

"I see one," Rosalie said. "Do I want to know where the other is?"

I rolled my eyes and lifted my shirt to show her my belly button. I let Leah do it to me when we were both drunk one night. She missed at first, which is why I have scar just above my belly button but she managed the second time.

"Who does all this work?"

"A friend," I said. "Though both piercings were done by someone who had no experience in that department."

"Bella," Rosalie groaned.

"I was stupid," I allowed. "I know but I was either heavily intoxicated or high at the...ooh," I trailed off seeing their faces.

"You do drugs?"

"Technically, yes, I take a bunch every morning," I sarcastically replied.

They both gave me a hard stare.

"Okay so I do pot occasionally," I shrugged. "It's not a big deal. Maybe you two should try it sometime...it'll mellow you guys out...or not...I feel you two would need something stronger."

"Do you touch the 'strong' stuff?"

"Cocaine? Nah, I'm not into drugs like that. I don't even have a pot problem. I just do it every so often." no need to mention that I have done some of the heavy stuff before.

It was after I got out of the hospital. I use to go missing for weeks at a time. I don't remember much of that time, just tiny snippets.

I use to be ashamed of myself, ashamed that Elle had to see that, but as it got worse I didn't care but now...now I definitely regretted it. I bet Elle just hates me.

The thought alone made my chest hurt.

"What happened to my good little sister?" Rosalie pouted. "You were such a little nerd and now..."

My expression grew dark. "Things happen, people change."

I grabbed my plate and high tailed it to my room before I could spill anything else. I ate by myself and once I was finished with that, I decided to dye my hair-purple was great an all, It was just time to change.

I'm thinking green, a light green not dark.

I opened up my closet and searched through the remaining hair dyes. I had a tealish green so I decided on that. Rosalie and Jasper hadn't bothered me yet but I wasn't sure how long that would last.

Not that it bothered me.

I felt like I needed to make up the time lost with them. I just had to walk away and give myself a breather before I said something I regretted.

It was still hard to believe that I missed three years with them because of my parents.

Well, no I guess it isn't.

Phil and Renee want me to suffer. I feel like my mom is like Lauren-she loves to see me suffer. Can you blame me though? She hasn't proven otherwise.

Speaking of my mom, she didn't come home last night.

Now that's uncommon.

Eh, I'm not going to concern myself with it.

I wish I could be like her in that way. I wish that I didn't care about what happened to her but that's not me. I'm compassionate and selfless like my dad-at least that's what my nana use to tell me before she passed.

Compassionate people with big hearts are the ones who get hurt the most. I should know.

After a quick dye job, I dried my teal hair and then straightened it. When all was said and done, I started at myself in the mirror-scrutinizing myself for the millionth time. I wasn't anything special...what did Edward see in me?

I wrapped my arms around myself feeling self-conscious.

"Bella?" Rosalie knocked softly.

"Coming," I said, pulling my tank on. "Yeah?"

"We didn't mean to upset you by bringing up..."

"Its fine," I said, waving her off. I glanced at the clock one thirty. I still have six whole hours until my date tonight.

My date...

I had a date.

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